GLEANINGS IN GRAVEYARDS:

a collection of

CURIOUS EPITAPHS.

collated, compiled, and edited by HORATIO EDWARD NORFOLK,

honorary secretary to the chelsea athenæum.

SECOND EDITION.

London: JOHN RUSSELL SMITH, 36, SOHO SQUARE. 1861.

p. ii

london printed by p. pickton, perry’s place, 29, oxford street.

p. iiito ROBERT HUNT, Esq., F.R.S., F.S.S. h.m. keeper of mining records, etc. etc.

THIS LITTLE VOLUME

is inscribed

with every feeling of respect

as a small tribute of gratitude

for many acts of kindness

at his hands,

by

THE EDITOR.

p. vCONTENTS.

page

Epitaphs in England

1

Wales

107

Scotland

111

Miscellaneous

123

p. viiPREFACE.

(TO THE FIRST EDITION.)

Although this country may be behind many others in the poetic or classic character of its monumental inscriptions, it is certainly not so in the production of Epitaphs of a curious and absurd character. Whether it is that the British are, as a nation, witty and humorous, and that they are desirous that their peculiarities should be recorded even in the sanctuaries of their dead, or that they consider true records of the departed to be of little or no value, has yet to be shown. It is, however, remarkable that if we refer to the epitaphial records of other nations, we find that they are, as a rule, noted for their beauty, elegance, or truth, whereas of the many graveyards in Great Britain there is scarcely one that does not afford examples of humourous effusions.

The Egyptians, although they do not furnish us with many epitaphs worthy of note, do not seem to have devoted themselves to the production of frivolous inscriptions, but contented themselves with inscribing on their sarcophagi and coffins, the name, descent, and functions of the departed.

The Greeks (as Mr. Pettigrew remarks in his Chronicles of the Tombs), “wrote their epitaphs in elegiac verse, and afterwards in prose, and the collections published by various hands are well known to, and duly appreciated by, scholars.”

The Roman tombs also afford us an example worthy of imitation, in the purity and simplicity of their inscriptions. They usually began with D. M. (Diis Manibus), followed by the name, office, and age of the deceased, and a conclusion, which informed the reader by whom or through what means the inscription was erected.

Whether the Saxons or the Danes used monumental p. viiiinscriptions, either in their own or in the Latin tongue, has been doubted. The few which we have for people of the Saxon times, are probably the compositions of a later date. Three or four small slabs, however, bearing crosses and some early British female names, supposed to be those of nuns, were dug up some years ago at Hartlepool.

We are informed also, by the above quoted author, that “in this country, in early times, were inscriptions prohibited to be engraven on any tombs but those belonging to persons distinguished either by their high position, as governors of the kingdom or as military commanders, or remarkable for their wisdom and virtues.” Since this prohibition has been removed, however, no time seems to have been lost in showing the necessity for, and the advantage of, such regulation.

The following pages are intended to convey some idea, to those who have not the opportunity to search our churchyards for themselves, of the extent to which the practice has been carried of inscribing tombstones with verses remarkable either for their quaintness, or their rude attempts at humour.

It has been thought advisable to intersperse with the curious Epitaphs a few inscriptions, more elegant in their composition, and more praiseworthy in their purport.

The Miscellaneous are for the most part authentic, and so frequently placed on gravestones, that to prevent repetition it has been thought best to arrange them in a chapter by themselves.

It is hoped, that while this collection of curious Epitaphs may afford amusement to all, that it will not prove offensive to any, nor fail to convey the salutary lesson that a healthful smile may be elicited from the homely record of human woe.

H. E. N.

Chelsea Athenæum, 1st April, 1861.

p. 1EPITAPHS.

Bedfordshire.

COLMWORTH.

Here is a magnificent monument, erected in 1611, by Lady Dyer, in memory of her deceased husband, Sir William Dyer, the inscription upon which tells us that “they multiplied themselves into seven children.” Beneath are the following quaint lines:—

My dearest dust, could not thy hasty day Afford thy drowsy patience leave to stay One hour longer, so that we might either Have set up, or gone to bed together! But since thy finished labour hath possessed Thy weary limbs with early rest, Enjoy it sweetly, and thy widow bride Shall soon repose her by thy slumbering side! Whose business now is to prepare My nightly dress and call to prayer. Mine eyes wax heavy, and the days grow old, The dew falls thick—my blood grows cold:— Draw, draw the closed curtains, and make room, My dear, my dearest dust, I come, I come.

EDWORTH.

Here lies father, and mother, and sister, and I, We all died within the space of one year, They be all buried at Whimble except I, And I be buried here.

p. 2LUTON.

In the “Wenlock Chapel” in the above church, on an embattled altar-tomb is a recumbent figure of a priest—representing William Wenlock, who died 1392. Round the verge of the tomb is inscribed, in ancient characters,—

. . . . Ilemus hic tumulatus de Wenlock natus; in ordine presbiteratus; alter hujus ille: dominus meus fuit ville: hic jacet indignus: anime Deus esto benignus!

On the side of the tomb,—

In Wenlock brad I: in this town lordshcippes had I! here am I now lady: Christes moder help me lady. Under these stones: for a tym shal I rest my bones; deyn mot I ned ones. Myghtful God gra’t me thy woues. Ame’.

Formerly in a window of this chapel was a portrait of Wenlock, with the following inscription:—

Jesu Christ, most of might, Have mercy on John de Wenlock, knight, And of his wife Elizabeth, Which out of this world is passed by death, Which founded this chapel here, Help thou them with your hearty prayer, That they may come unto that place, Where ever is joy and solace.

On an altar-tomb in the tower is the following:—

Thomas Gilbert here doth stai Waiting for God’s judgment day, Who died August 25, 1566.

A slab on the floor of the south aisle bears this inscription,—

Here lyeth the body of Daniel Knight, Who all my lifetime lived in spite. p. 3Base flatterers sought me to undoe, And made me sign what was not true. Reader take care, whene’er you venture To trust a canting false dessenter, Who died June 11th, in the 61st year of his age, 1756.

A friend of Daniel Knight (at whose instigation the above epitaph was engraved during his lifetime, and the future tombstone used as a cupboard door) prepared an inscription for his own tomb,—

“Here lies the body of Thomas Proctor Who lived and died without a doctor.”

But fate, jealous of the reputation of the faculty, broke his leg, and compelled him to sacrifice to Æsculapius.

Berkshire.

BUCKLEBURY.

Here lyeth the body of Samuel Wightwicke, Esqre. 1662.

Heaven only knowes the Blisse his soul inioyes, Whil’s wee on earth seeke after fading toyes, And doe not mind how saints and angells singe To see him thron’d with his eternall king.

WEST WOODHAY.

In the old church near Newbury, is the following epitaph to the memory of Sir Ben Rudyerd:—

John Grant, in memory of his deare and honoured Master Sir Benjamin Rudyerd, knight, hath affixed this stone over his grave with this epitaph made by Sir Benjamin in his younger years:— p. 4Fond world, leave off this foolish trick Of making epitaphs upon the dead; Rather go write them on the quick, Whose soules in earthly flesh lye buried. For in this grave lyes nought of me But my soules grave, two graves well turned to one. Thus do I live, from death made free; Trust me, good friend, I am not dead, but gone To God and Christ, my Saviour alone. 1656.

OLD WINDSOR.

When this you see remember me As I lay under ground, The world say what it will of me, Speak of me as you have found.

ALDWORTH.

There is a vulgar tradition that in this place four Johns were buried, and they are described as follows:—John Long, John Strong, John Ever-afraid, and John Never-afraid. They say that John Ever-afraid was afraid to be buried either in the church or out of it, and was consequently buried under the wall, where the arch appears on the outside, by the south church door.

The following is a copy of an epitaph, now almost obliterated, in Speen Churchyard, and which, admired for its simple pathos, has been handed to us for insertion:—

In memory of John Matthews, of Donnington, Berks, 1779. When Heaven with equal eyes our quick’ning dust Shall view, and judge the bad and praise the just, His humble merits may perhaps find room Where kings shall wish, but wish in vain to come.

p. 5In Sunning Hill Churchyard is the following epitaph on the late Right Hon. Colonel Richard Fitzpatrick, written by himself:—

Whose turn is next? This monitory stone Replies, vain passenger perhaps thine own; If idly curious, thou wilt seek to know Whose relicks mingle with the dust below, Enough to tell thee, that his destin’d span, On earth he dwelt, and like thyself a man. Nor distant far th’ inevitable day When thou, poor mortal, shalt like him be clay; Through life he walk’d un-emulous of fame, Nor wish’d beyond it to preserve a name. Content, if friendship, o’er his humble bier Dropt but the heart-felt tribute of a tear; Though countless ages should unconscious glide, Nor learn that even he had lived and died.

NEWBURY.

On Elizth Daughter of James Bond, 1659.

Low, here she is, deprived of lyfe, Which was a verteous and a loving wife; Until the graves again restore Their dead, and Time shall be no more; She was brought a-bed, but spous above, And dyed to pay the living pledge of love.

On Mr. Hugh Shepley, sometime Rector of Newbvrye, 1596.

Full eight and twenty years he was your pastor, As hee was taught to feede by Christ, his Master; By preaching God’s Word, good life, good example, (Food for your soules, fitt for God’s house or temple) p. 6Hee loved peace, abandoned all strife, Was kinde to strangers, neighbours, children, wife; A lambe-like man, borne on an Easter daye, So liv’d, so dide, so liv’s again for aye; As one Spring brought him to this world of sinne, Another Spring the Heavens received him in.

In the Parish Church of Aldermaston is the following:—

To the precious memorie of four Virtuous Sisters, daughters of Sir H. Forster, 1623. Like borne, like new-borne, here like dead they lye, Four virgin sisters, decked with pietie; Beavtie and other graces, which commend And make them all like blessed in their end.

CHADDLEWORTH.

To the memory of Mary, wife of Thomas Nelson, of this parish, who died 1618, beinge of the age of 30 years, and had issue 7 children.

If thou religious art that passest by Stay and reade on; as thou art so was I: If thou art blest with children, and dost crave In God’s feare them trayned up to have Reade on agayn, and to thyself thus tell Here she doth lye that was my parallel; Or art thou bounteous, hospitable, free, Belov’d of all, and they beloved of thee; Meeke, full of mercy, and soe truly good As flesh can be, and spronge of gentle blood? If thou art soe, to thine own dear selfe saye, Who on her grave my monument did lay? But if to these thou knowst thyselfe but chaffe, Pass on thy waye, reade not my epitaphe.

p. 7Also Dorothy Nelson, wife of William Nelson, who died 1619, being of 86 years, and had issue 7 children.

It was not many years that made mee good, Neither was it in the vigor of my blood; For if soe then my goodness might have past, And as I did, have ceast to be at laste. But ’twas the grace my Maker did enshrine In my meeke breast, which cleerely there did shine. As my soul now amongst the chosen blest, Under this stone although my bones doe rest.

PEWSEY.

Here lies the body Lady O’Looney, Great niece of Burke, commonly called the Sublime. She was Bland, passionate, and deeply religious; Also she painted in water colours, And sent several pictures to the Exhibition. She was first cousin to Lady Jones. And of such is the kingdom of heaven.

ALLWORTH CHAPEL, WINDSOR.

Here lies a modell of frail man, A tender infant, but a span In age or stature. Here she must Lengthen out both bedded in dust. Nine moneths imprisoned in ye wombe, Eight on earth’s surface free; ye tombe Must now complete her diarie, So leave her to aeternatie.

p. 8Buckinghamshire.

DATCHET.

epitaph on two sisters. A tender mother, aunt, and friend, They continued to their end.

HIGH WYCOMBE.

Death is a fisherman; the world we see A fish-pond is, and we the fishes be; He sometimes angles, like doth with us play, And slily take us, one by one away.

IVER.

On William Hawkins.

Once at his death, and twice in wedlocke blest; Thrice happy in his labour and his rest; Espoused now to Christ, his head in life, Being twice a husband, and in death a wife.

On a Lady.

Two happy days assigned are to men— Of wedlocke and of death. O happy then, ’Mongst women was she who is here interred, Who lived out two, and, dying, had a third.

On Richard Carter.

An honest man, a friend sincere, What more can be said? He’s buried here.

FARNHAM.

A sudden death, a mind contented; Living beloved, dead lamented.

p. 9WYCOMBE.

Here lies one, whose rest Gives me a restless life; Because I’ve lost a good And virtous wyfe.

Cambridgeshire.

ALL SAINT’S CHURCH, CAMBRIDGE.

Epitaph of a Wine Merchant.

“In Obitum Mio Johannis Hammond Ænopolæ Epitaphium “Spiritus ascendit generosi Nectaris astra, “Juxta Altare Calex hic facet ecco sacrum “Corporu αναδταδει cū fit Communia magna “Unio tunc fuerit Nectaris et Calicis.”

SOHAM

1

To God

2

To Prince

3

Wife

4

Kindred

5

Friend

6

Poor

1

Religious

2

Loyal

3

True

4

Kind

5

Steadfast

6

Dear

1

In Zeal

2

Faith

3

Love

4

Blood

5

Amity

6

And Store

He hath so lived, and so Deceased

Lie—Here.

Translation.

It consists of four lines, each of which contains five ambusses, or ten syllables (which is evident, from the rhyming) and therefore it should be read thus:—

To God, to Prince, Wife, Kindred, Friend, the Poor, Religious, Loyal, True, Kind, Stedfast, Dear. In Zeal, Faith, Love, Blood, Amity, and Store, He hath so liv’d, and so Deceas’d, lies here.

p. 10The meaning appears to be, that the deceased was Religious to God, Loyal to his Prince, true to his Wife, Kind to his Kindred, Stedfast to his Friend, and Dear to the Poor; that he was endued with those qualities all his life, and died in the possession of them.—As to the Figures, most likely they were used to distinguish particularly the relation which a word in one line bore to that, which in another line had the same figure.

At BABRAHAM is this on Orazio Palovicini, who was the last deputed to this country to collect the Peter pence; but instead of returning to Rome, he divided the spoil with the Queen, and bought the estate at Babraham.

Here lies Orazio Palovicin, Who robb’d the Pope to pay the Queen. He was a thief. A thief? Thou liest! For why? He robbed but antichrist. Him Death with besom swept from Babraham, Unto the bosom of old Abraham; Then came Hercules, with his club, And knocked him down to Beelzebub.

ALL SAINTS’, CAMBRIDGE.

She took the cup of life to sip, Too bitter ’twas to drain; She put it meekly from her lip, And went to sleep again.

At WOOD DITTON, on a gravestone in which is fixed an iron dish, according to the instructions of the deceased:—

p. 11On William Symons, ob. 1753, æt. 80.

Here lies my corpse, who was the man That loved a sop in the dripping pan; But now, believe me I am dead, See here the pan stands at my head. Still for sops to the last I cried, But could not eat, and so I died. My neighbours, they perhaps will laugh, When they do read my epitaph.

CAIUS COLLEGE CHAPEL, A.D. 1613:—

On William Webbe.

A richer Webb than any art can weave, The Soule that Faith to Christ makes firmly cleave. This Webbe can Death, nor Devils, sunder nor untwist, For Christ and Grace both groundwork are and List.

At CASTLE CAMPS the following quaint epitaph on a former rector:—

Mors mortis morti mortem nisi morte dedisset, Æternæ Vitæ Janua clausa foret.

The translation is obviously,—

“Unless the Death of Death (Christ) had given death to death by his own death, the gate of eternal life had been closed.”

A poetic specimen of declension!

p. 12ST. ANDREW’S CHURCH, CAMBRIDGE.

An angel beckoned and her spirit flew, But oh! her last look it cut our souls in two.

ST. MARY’S, CAMBRIDGE.

On John Foster, Esq. of that town.

Nomen, decus, Tellus meum, Quid referunt hæc ad te Genus etiamque meum, Clarum quid aut humile? Forsan omnes alios longè Ego antecellui, Forsan cunctis aliis valdè (Nam quid tunc?) succubui. Ut hoc tu vides tumulum Hospes certè satis est, Ejus tu scis benè usum Tegit—“Nihil” interest.

Translation.

My name, my country, what are they to thee? What, whether high or low, my pedigree? Perhaps I surpassed by far all other men, Perhaps I fell below them all, what then? Suffice it, stranger, that thou seest a tomb, Its use thou knowest; it hides—“no matter whom.”

CAMBRIDGE.

Here lies interred, beneath this stone, The bones of a true hearty one, Who lived well and died better, And sings in Heaven Glory for ever.

p. 13ELY.

In the Cathedral is the following numerical curiosity:—

Human Redemption.

590

x

590

x

590

Born

•

Sara

•

Watts

Died

600

x

600

x

600

30

x

00

x

33

Aged

y 30

x

00

x

33

m 3

x

d 31

—

3

h 3

x

3

x

3

x

12

Nations make fun of his Commands. S. M. E. Judgments begun on Earth. In memory of James Fountain, Died August 21, 1767, Aged 60 years.

Philippa Brown, died November 22nd, 1738, aged 63.

Here I lie, without the door, The church is full, ’twill hold no more; Here I lye, the less I pay, And still I lie as warm as they. When thou art dead, let this thy comfort be, That all the world by turn, must follow thee.

On Luke Simon, died May 25, 1784, aged 63.

Man’s life’s a snare, a labyrinth of woe, Which mortal men are doomed to struggle this; p. 14To-day he’s great, to-morrow he’s undone, And thus with hope and fear he travels on: Till some disease, or else old age, Calls us poor mortals trembling off the stage.

Cheshire.

Copied from the tombstone of Mr. Samuel Johnson, commonly called Maggoty Johnson, who was interred in a plantation or wood, belonging to the Earl of Harrington, in Gawsworth, near Macclesfield, Cheshire.

Under this stone Rest the remains of Mr. Samuel Johnson, afterwards ennobled with the grander title of Lord Flame. Who, after having been in his life distinct from other men by the eccentricities of his genius, chose to retain the same character after his death, and was, at his own desire, buried here, May 5th, 1773, aged 82 yrs. Stay thou, whom chance directs, or ease persuades To seek the quiet of these Sylvan shades; Here, undisturb’d and hid from vulgar eyes, A Wit, Musician, Poet, player lies; A dancing master, too, in grace he shone, And all the acts of Opera were his own; In comedy well skill’d he drew Lord Flame, Acted the part and gained himself the name. Averse to strife, how oft he’d gravely say These peaceful groves should shade his breathless clay; That, when he rose again, laid here alone, No friend and he should quarrel for a bone; Thinking, that were some old lame Gossip nigh, She possibly might take his leg or thigh.

p. 15PRESBURY.

Beneath this stône lyes Edward Green, Who for cutting stône famous was seên. But he was sênt to apprehend One Joesph Clarke, of Kerredge End, For stêaling Deer of Squire Dounes, Where he was shôt, and died o’th wounds.

DAVENHAM.

On David Berkenhead.

A tailor by profession, And in the practice, a plain and honest man. He was a useful member of society; For, though he picked holes in no man’s coat, He was ever ready to repair The mischief that others did. And whatever breaches broke out in families, He was the man to mend all, And make matters up again. He lived and died respected.