A CARD FROM THE AUTHOR.

Office of “Peck’s Sun,” Milwaukee, Feb., 1883. Belford, Clarke & Co.: Gents—If you have made up your minds that the world will cease to move unless these “Bad Boy” articles are given to the public in book form, why go ahead, and peace to your ashes. The “Bad Boy” is not a “myth,” though there may be some stretches of imagination in the articles. The counterpart of this boy is located in every city, village and country hamlet throughout the land. He is wide awake, full of vinegar, and is ready to crawl under the canvas of a circus or repeat a hundred verses of the New Testament in Sunday School. He knows where every melon patch in the neighborhood is located, and at what hours the dog is chained up. He will tie an oyster can to a dog’s tail to give the dog exercise, or will fight at the drop of the hat to protect the smaller boy or a school girl. He gets in his work everywhere there is a fair prospect of fun, and his heart is easily touched by an appeal in the right way, though his coat-tail is oftener touched with a boot than his

heart is by kindness. But he shuffles through life until the time comes for him to make a mark in the world, and then he buckles on the harness and goes to the front, and becomes successful, and then those who said he would bring up in State Prison, remember that he always was a mighty smart lad, and they never tire of telling of some of his deviltry when he was a boy, though they thought he was pretty tough at the time. This book is respectfully dedicated to boys, to the men who have been boys themselves, to the girls who like the boys, and to the mothers, bless them, who like both the boys and the girls, Very respectfully, GEO. W. PECK,

List of Illustrations

Cover

Frontispiece

Titlepage

They Danced the Can-Can

Air Was Filled With Dog, and Pa, And Rockets

Stoper, Says Pa, I’ve Got a Whale

Ma Appears on the Scene

Pa on the Run

The Bad Boy and his Girl

Helen Damnation

The Gun Just Rared up

Then Everything Was Ready

Hell’s-fire, What You Boys Doin

In the Wrong Room

A New Way to Take Seidlitz Powders

Too Late, Pa, I Die at the Hand of an Assassin

Just As I Am

Special Providences for a Bad Boy

Pa Grabbed Her by the Polonaise

Happy New Year Mum

Pa’s Fire Escape

DETAILED CONTENTS: CHAPTER I. CHAPTER I. THE BOY WITH A LAME BACK—THE BOY COULDN’T SIT DOWN—A PRACTICAL JOKE ON THE OLD MAN—A LETTER FROM “DAISY “—GUARDING THE FOUR CORNERS—THE OLD MAN IS UNUSUALLY GENEROUS—MA ASKS AWKWARD QUESTIONS—THE BOY TALKED TO WITH A BED SLAT—NO ENCOURAGEMENT FOR A BOY CHAPTER II. CHAPTER II. THE BOY AT WORK AGAIN—THE BEST BOYS FULL OF TRICKS—THE OLD MAN LAYS DOWN THE LAW ABOUT JOKES—RUBBER HOSE MACARONI—THE OLD MAS’s STRUGGLES—CHEWING VIGOROUSLY BUT IN VAIN—AN INQUEST HELD—REVELRY BY NIGHT—MUSIC IN THE WOODSHED—“‘twas ever thus.” CHAPTER III. CHAPTER III. THE BAD BOY GIVES HIS PA AWAY—PA IS A HARD CITIZEN—DRINKING SOZODONT—MAKING UP THE SPARE BED—THE MIDNIGHT WAR DANCE—AN APPOINTMENT BY THE COAL-BIN. CHAPTER IV. CHAPTER IV. THE BAD BOY’S FOURTH OF JULY.—PA IS A POINTER, NOT A SETTER—SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY—A GRAND SUPPLY OF FIREWORKS—THE EXPLOSION—THE AIR FULL OF PA AND DOG AND ROCKETS—THE NEW HELL—A SCENE THAT BEGGARS DESCRIPTION. CHAPTER V. CHAPTER V.

THE BAD BOY’S MA COMES HOME.—DEVILTRY, ONLY A LITTLE FUN—THE BAD BOY’S CHUM—A LADY’S WARDROBE IN THE OLD MAN’S ROOM—MA’s UNEXPECTED ARRIVAL—WHERE IS THE HUZZY?—DAMFINO!—THE BAD BOY WANTS TO TRAVEL WITH A CIRCUS CHAPTER VI. CHAPTER VI. HIS PA IS A DARN COWARD—HIS PA HAS BEEN A MAJOR—HOW HE WOULD DEAL WITH BURGLARS—HIS BRAVERY PUT TO THE TEST—THE ICE REVOLVER—HIS PA BEGINS TO PRAY—TELLS WHERE THE CHANGE IS—“PLEASE MR. BURGLAR SPARE A POOR MAN’S LIFE!”—MA WAKES UP—THE BAD BOY AND HIS CHUM RUN—FISH-POLE SAUCE—MA WOULD MAKE A GOOD CHIEF OF POLICE CHAPTER VII. CHAPTER VII. HIS PA GETS A BITE.—“HIS PA GETS TOO MUCH WATER”—THE DOCTOR’S DISAGREE—HOW TO SPOIL BOYS—HIS PA GOES TO PEWAUKEE IN SEARCH OF HIS SON—ANXIOUS TO FISH—“STOPER, I’VE GOT A WHALE!”—OVERBOARD—HIS PA IS SAVED—A DOLLAR FOR HIS PANTS. CHAPTER VIII. CHAPTER VIII. HE IS TOO HEALTHY—AN EMPTY CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE AND A BLACK EYE—HE IS ARRESTED—OCONOMOWOC FOR HEALTH—HIS PA. IS AN OLD MASHER—DANCED TILL THE COWS CAME HOME—THE

GIRL FROM THE SUNNY SOUTH—THE BAD BOY IS SENT HOME CHAPTER IX. CHAPTER IX. HIS PA HAS GOT ’EM AGAIN.—HIS PA IS DRINKING HARD—HE HAS BECOME A TERROR—A JUMPING DOG——THE OLD MAN IS SHAMEFULLY ASSAULTED—“THIS IS A HELLISH CLIMATE MY BOY!”—HIS PA SWEARS OFF—HIS MA STILL SNEEZING AT LAKE SUPERIOR CHAPTER X. CHAPTER X. HIS PA HAS GOT RELIGION—THE BAD BOY GOES TO SUNDAY SCHOOL—PROMISES REFORMATION—THE OLD MAN ON TRIAL FOR SIX MONTHS—WHAT MA THINKS—ANTS IN PA’S LIVER-PAD—THE OLD MAN IN CHURCH—RELIGION IS ONE THING, ANTS ANOTHER CHAPTER XI. CHAPTER XI. HIS PA TAKES A TRICK—JAMAICA RUM AND CARDS—THE BAD BOY POSSESSED OF A DEVIL—THE KIND DEACON—AT PRAYER-MEETING—THE OLD MAN TELLS HIS EXPERIENCE—THE FLYING CARDS—THE PRAYER-MEETING SUDDENLY CLOSED CHAPTER XII. CHAPTER XII. HIS PA GETS PULLED—THE OLD MAN STUDIES THE BIBLE—DANIEL IN THE LIONS’ DEN—THE MULE AND THE MULE’S FATHER—MURDER IN THE THIRD WARD—THE OLD MAN ARRESTED—THE OLD MAN FANS THE DUST OUT OF HIS SON’S PANTS CHAPTER XIII. CHAPTER XIII.

HIS PA GOES TO THE EXPOSITION—THE BAD BOY ACTS AS GUIDE—THE CIRCUS STORY—THE OLD MAN WANTS TO SIT DOWN—TRIES TO EAT PANCAKES—DRINKS SOME MINERAL WATER—THE OLD MAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH A WAX WOMAN—A POLICEMAN INTERFERES—THE LIGHTS GO OUT—THE GROCERY MAN DON’T WANT A CLERK CHAPTER XIV. CHAPTER XIV. HIS PA CATCHES ON—TWO DAYS AND NIGHTS IN THE BATHROOM—RELIGION CAKES THE OLD MAN’S BREAST—THE BAD BOY’S CHUM DRESSED UP AS A GIRL—THE OLD MAN DELUDED—THE COUPLE START FOR THE COURT HOUSE PARK—HIS MA APPEARS ON THE SCENE—“IF YOU LOVE ME, KISS ME?”—MA TO THE RESCUE—“I AM DEAD AM I?”—HIS PA THROWS A CHAIR THROUGH THE TRANSOM CHAPTER XV. CHAPTER XV. HIS PA AT THE RE-UNION—THE OLD MAN IN MILITARY SPLENDOR—TELLS HOW HE MOWED DOWN THE REBELS—“I AND GRANT”—WHAT IS A SUTLER.—TEN DOLLARS FOR PICKLES!—“LET US HANG HIM!”—THE OLD MAN ON THE RUN—HE STANDS UP TO SUPPER—THE BAD BOY IS TO DIE AT SUNSET CHAPTER XVI. CHAPTER XVI. THE BAD BOY IN LOVE—ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN?—NO GETTING TO HEAVEN ON SMALL

POTATOES—THE BAD BOY HAS TO CHEW COBS—MA SAYS IT’S GOOD FOR A BOY TO BE IN LOVE—LOVE WEAKENS THE BAD BOY—HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO GET MARRIED?—MAD DOG—NEVER EAT ICE CREAM CHAPTER XVII. CHAPTER XVII. HIS PA FIGHTS HORNETS—THE OLD MAN LOOKS BAD—THE WOODS OF WAUWATOSA—THE OLD MAN TAKES A NAP—“HELEN DAMNATION!”—“HELL IS OUT FOR NOON.”—THE LIVER MEDICINE—ITS WONDERFUL EFFECTS—THE BAD BOY IS DRUNK—GIVE ME A LEMON!—A SIGHT OF THE COMET!—THE HIRED GIRL’S RELIGION CHAPTER XVIII. CHAPTER XVIII. HIS PA GOES HUNTING—MUTILATED JAW—THE OLD MAN HAS TAKEN TO SWEARING AGAIN—OUT WEST, DUCK SHOOTING—-HIS COAT TAIL SHOT OFF—SHOOTS AT A WILD GOOSE—THE GUN KICKS!—THROWS A CHAIR AT HIS SON—THE ASTONISHED SHE-DEACON CHAPTER XIX. CHAPTER XIX. HIS PA IS “NISHIATED”—ARE YOU A MASON?—NO HARM TO PLAY AT LODGE—WHY GOATS ARE KEPT IN STABLES—THE BAD BOY GETS THE GOAT UPSTAIRS—THE GRAND DUMPER DEGREE—KYAN PEPPER ON THE GOAT’S BEARD—“BRING FORTH THE ROYAL BUMPER”—THE GOAT ON THE RAMPAGE CHAPTER XX. CHAPTER XX.

HIS GIRL GOES BACK ON HIM. THE GROCERY MAN IS AFRAID—BUT THE BAD BOY IS A WRECK—“MY GIRL, HAS SHOOK ME!”—THE BAD BOY’S HEART IS BROKEN—STILL HE ENJOYS A BIT OF FUN—COD LIVER OIL ON THE PANCAKES—THE HIRED GIRLS MADE VICTIMS—THE BAD BOY VOWS VENGEANCE ON HIS GIRL AND THE TELEGRAPH MESSENGER CHAPTER XXI. CHAPTER XXI. HE AND HIS PA IN CHICAGO—NOTHING LIKE TRAVELING TO GIVE TONE—LAUGHING IN THE WRONG PLACE—A DIABOLICAL PLOT—-HIS PA ARRESTED AS A KIDNAPPER—-THE NUMBERS ON THE DOORS CHANGED—THE WRONG ROOM—“NOTHIN’ THE MAZZER WITH ME, PET!”—THE TELL-TALE HAT CHAPTER XXII. CHAPTER XXII. HIS PA IS DISCOURAGED—“I AIN’T NO JONER!”—THE STORY OF THE ANCIENT PROPHET—THE SUNDAY SCHOOL FOLKS GO BACK ON THE BAD BOY:—CAGED CATS—A COMMITTEE MEETING—A REMARKABLE CATASTROPHE!—“THAT BOY BEATS HELL!”—BASTING THE BAD BOY—THE HOT WATER IN THE SPONGE TRICK CHAPTER XXIII. CHAPTER XXIII. HE BECOMES A DRUGGIST—“I HAVE GONE INTO BUSINESS!”—-A NEW ROSE-GERANIUM PERFUME—-THE BAD BOY IN A DRUGGIST’S STORE—PRACTICING ON HIS PA—THE

EXPLOSION—THE SEIDLETZ POWDER—HIS PA’S FREQUENT PAINS—POUNDING INDIA-RUBBER—CURING A WART CHAPTER XXIV. CHAPTER XXIV. HE QUITS THE DRUG BUSINESS. HE HAS DISSOLVED WITH THE DRUGGER—THE OLD LADY AND THE GIN—THE BAD BOY IGNOMINIOUSLY FIRED—HOW HE DOSED HIS PA’S BRANDY—THE BAD BOY AS “HAWTY AS A DOOK!”—HE GETS EVEN WITH HIS GIRL—-THE BAD BOY WANTS A QUIET PLACE—THE OLD MAN THREATENS THE PARSON CHAPTER XXV. CHAPTER XXV. HIS PA KILLS HIM—A GENIUS AT WHISTLING—A FUR-LINED CLOAK A CURE CURE FOR CONSUMPTION—ANOTHER LETTER SENT TO THE OLD MAN—HE RESOLVES ON IMMEDIATE PUNISHMENT—THE BLADDER-BUFFER—THE EXPLOSION—A TRAGIC SCENE—HIS PA VOWS TO REFORM CHAPTER XXVI. CHAPTER XXVI. HIS PA MORTIFIED—SEARCHING FOR SEWER GAS—THE POWERFUL ODOR OF LIMBURGER CHEESE AT CHURCH—THE AFTER MEETING—FUMIGATING THE HOUSE—THE BAD BOY RESOLVES TO BOARD AT AN HOTEL. CHAPTER XXVII. CHAPTER XXVII. HIS PA BROKE UP—THE BAD BOY DON’T THINK THE GROCER FIT FOR HEAVEN—HE IS VERY SEVERE ON HIS OLD FRIEND—THE NEED OF A NEW REVISED EDITION—THE

BAD BOY TURNS REVISER—HIS PA REACHES FOR THE POKER—A SPECIAL PROVIDENCE—THE SLED SLEWED!—HIS PA UNDER THE MULES CHAPTER XXVIII. CHAPTER XXVIII. HIS PA GOES SKATING—THE BAD BOY CARVES A TURKEY—HIS PA’S FAME AS A SKATER—THE OLD MAN ESSAYS TO SKATE ON ROLLERS—HIS WILD CAPERS—HE SPREADS HIMSELF—-HOLIDAYS A CONDEMNED NUISANCER—THE BAD BOY’S CHRISTMAS PRESENTS CHAPTER XXIX. CHAPTER XXIX. HIS PA GOES CALLING—HIS PA STARTS FORTH—A PICTURE OF THE OLD MAN “FULL”—POLITENESS AT A WINTER PICNIC—ASSAULTED BY SANDBAGGERS—RESOLVED TO DRINK NO MORE COFFEE—A GIRL FULL OF “AIG NOGG” CHAPTER XXX. CHAPTER XXX. HIS PA DISSECTED—THE MISERIES OF THE MUMPS—NO PICKLES, THANK YOU—ONE MORE EFFORT To REFORM THE OLD MAN—THE BAD BOY PLAYS MEDICAL STUDENT—PROCEEDS TO DISSECT HIS PA—“GENTLEMEN, I AM NOT DEAD!”—SAVED FROM THE SCALPEL—“NO MORE WHISKY FOR YOU.” CHAPTER XXXI. CHAPTER XXXI. HIS PA JOINS A TEMPERANCE SOCIETY—THE GROCERY MAN SYMPATHISES WITH THE OLD MAN—WARNS THE BAD BOY THAT HE MAY HAVE A STEP-FATHER!—THE BAD

BOY SCORNS THE IDEA—INTRODUCES HIS PA TO THE GRAND “WORTHY DUKE!”—THE SOLEMN OATH—THE BRAND PLUCKED FROM THE BURNING CHAPTER XXXII. CHAPTER XXXII. HIS PA’S MARVELOUS ESCAPE—THE GROCERY MAN HAS NO VASELINE—THE OLD MAN PROVIDES THREE FIRE ESCAPES—ONE OF THE ESCAPES TESTED—HIS PA SCANDALIZES THE CHURCH—“SHE’S A DARLING!”—WORLDLY MUSIC IN THE COURTS OF ZION CHAPTER XXXIII. CHAPTER XXXIII. HIS PA JOKES HIM—THE BAD BOY CAUGHT AT LAST—HOW TO GROW A MOUSTACHE—TAR AND CAYENNE PEPPER—THE GROCERY MAN’S FATE IS SEALED—FATHER AND SON JOIN IN A PRACTICAL JOKE—SOFT SOAP ON THE STEPS—DOWNFALL OF MINISTERS AND DEACONS—“MA TO THE RESCUE!”—THE BAD BOY GETS EVEN WITH HIS PA CHAPTER XXXIV. CHAPTER XXXIV. HIS PA GETS MAD—A ROOM IN COURT-PLASTER—THE BAD BOY DECLINES BEING MAULED!—THE OLD MAN GETS A HOT BOX—THE BAD BOY BORROWS A CAT!—THE BATTLE!—“HELEN BLAZES!”—THE CAT VICTORIOUS!—THE BAD BOY DRAWS THE LINE AT KINDLING WOOD! CHAPTER XXXV. CHAPTER XXXV. HIS PA AN INVENTOR—THE BAD BOY A MARTYR—THE DOG-COLLAR IN

THE SAUSAGE—A PATENT STOVE—THE PATENT TESTED!—HIS PA A BURNT OFFERING—EARLY BREAKFAST! CHAPTER XXXVI. HIS PA GETS BOXED—PARROT FOR SALE—THE OLD MAN IS DOWN ON THE GROCER—“A CONTRITE HEART BEATS A BOB-TAILED FLUSH!”—POLLY’S RESPONSES—CAN A PARROT GO TO HELL?—THE OLD MAN GETS ANOTHER BLACK EYE—DUFFY HITS FOR KEEPS!—NOTHING LIKE AN OYSTER FOR A BLACK EYE

CHAPTER I.

THE BOY WITH A LAME BACK—THE BOY COULDN’T SIT DOWN—A PRACTICAL JOKE ON THE OLD MAN—A LETTER FROM “DAISY”— GUARDING THE FOUR CORNERS—THE OLD MAN IS UNUSUALLY GENEROUS—MA ASKS AWKWARD QUESTIONS—THE BOY TALKED TO WITH A BED-SLAT—NO ENCOURAGEMENT FOR A BOY!

A young fellow who is pretty smart on general principles, and who is always in good humor, went into a store the other morning limping and seemed to be broke up generally. The proprietor asked him if he wouldn’t sit down, and he said he couldn’t very well, as his back was lame. He seemed discouraged, and the proprietor asked him what was the matter. “Well,” says he, as he put his hand on his pistol pocket and groaned, “There is no encouragement for a boy to have any fun nowadays. If a boy tries to play an innocent joke he gets kicked all over the house.” The store keeper asked him what had happened to disturb his hilarity. He said he had played a joke on his father and had been limping ever since.

“You see, I thought the old man was a little spry. You know he is no spring chicken yourself; and though his eyes are not what they used to be, yet he can see a pretty girl further than I can. The other day I wrote a note in a fine hand and addressed it to him, asking him to meet me on the corner of Wisconsin and Milwaukee streets, at 7:30 on Saturday evening, and signed the name of ’Daisy’ to it. At supper time Pa he was all shaved up and had his hair plastered over the bald spot, and he got on some clean cuffs, and said he was going to the Consistory to initiate some candidates from the country, and he might not be in till late. He didn’t eat much supper, and hurried off with my umbrella. I winked at Ma but didn’t say anything. At 7:30 I went down town and he was standing there by the post-office corner, in a dark place. I went by him and said, “Hello, Pa, what are you doing there?” He said he was waiting for a man. I went down street and pretty soon I went up on the other corner by Chapman’s and he

was standing there. You see, he didn’t know what corner “Daisy” was going to be on, and had to cover all four corners. I saluted him and asked him if he hadn’t found his man yet, and he said no, the man was a little late. It is a mean boy that won’t speak to his Pa when he sees him standing on a corner, I went up street and I saw Pa cross over by the drug store in a sort of a hurry, and I could see a girl going by with a water-proof on, but she skited right along and Pa looked kind of solemn, the way he does when I ask him for new clothes. I turned and came back and he was standing there in the doorway, and I said, “Pa you will catch cold if you stand around waiting for a man. You go down to the Consistory and let me lay for the man.” Pa said, “never you mind, you go about your business and I will attend to the man.”

“Well, when a boy’s Pa tells him to never you mind, and looks spunky, my experience is that a boy wants to go right away from there, and I went down street. I thought I would cross over and go up the other side, and see how long he would stay. There was a girl or two going up ahead of me, and I see a man hurrying across from the drug store to Van Pelt’s corner. It was Pa, and as the girls went along and never looked around Pa looked mad and stepped into the doorway. It was about eight o’clock then, and Pa was tired, and I felt sorry for him and I went up to him and asked him for half a dollar to go to the Academy. I never knew him to shell out so freely and so quick. He gave me a dollar, and I told him I would go and get it changed and bring him back the half a dollar, but he said I needn’t mind the change. It is awful mean of a boy that has always been treated well to play it on his Pa that way, and I felt ashamed. As I turned the corner and saw him standing there shivering, waiting for the man, my conscience troubled me, and I told a policeman to go and tell Pa that

“Daisy” had been suddenly taken with worms, and would not be there that evening. I peeked around the corner and Pa and the policeman went off to get a drink. I was glad they did cause Pa needed it, after standing around so long. Well, when I went home the joke was so good I told Ma about it, and she was mad. I guess she was mad at me for treating Pa that way. I heard Pa come home about eleven o’clock, and Ma was real kind to him. She told him to warm his feet, cause they were just like chunks of ice. Then she asked him how many they initiated in the Consistory, and he said six, and then she asked him if they initiated “Daisy” in the Consistory, and pretty soon I heard Pa snoring. In the morning he took me into the basement, and gave me the hardest talking to that I over had, with a bed slat. He said he knew that I wrote, that note all the time, and he thought he would pretend that he was looking for “Daisy,” just to fool me. It don’t look reasonable that a man would catch epizootic and rheumatism just

to fool his boy, does it? What did he give me the dollar for? Ma and Pa don’t seem to call each other pet any more, and as for me, they both look at me as though I was a hard citizen. I am going to Missouri to take Jesse James’s place. There is no encouragement for a boy here. Well, good morning. If Pa comes in here asking for me tell him that you saw an express wagon going to the morgue with the remains of a pretty boy who acted as though he died from concussion of a bed slat on Peck’s bad boy on the pistol pocket. That will make Pa feel sorry. O, he has got the awfulest cold, though.” And the boy limped out to separate a couple of dogs that were fighting.

CHAPTER II.

THE BAD BOY AT WORK AGAIN—THE BEST BOYS FULL OF TRICKS—THE OLD MAN LAYS DOWN THE LAW ABOUT JOKES—RUBBER-HOSE MACARONI— THE OLD MAN’S STRUGGLES—CHEWING VIGOROUSLY BUT IN VAIN—AN INQUEST HELD—REVELRY BY NIGHT—MUSIC IN THE WOODSHED— “‘TWAS EVER THUS.”

Of course all boys are not full of tricks, but the best of them are. That is, those who are the readiest to play innocent jokes, and who are continually looking for chances to make Rome howl, are the most apt to turn out to be first-class business men. There is a boy in the Seventh Ward who is so full of fun that sometimes it makes him ache. He is the same boy who not long since wrote a note to his father and signed the name “Daisy” to it, and got the old man to stand on a corner for two hours waiting for the girl. After that scrape the old man told the boy that he had no objection to innocent jokes, such as would not bring reproach upon him, and as long as the boy confined himself to jokes that would simply cause pleasant laughter, and not cause the finger of scorn to be pointed at a parent, he would be the last one to kick. So the boy has been for three weeks trying to think of some innocent joke to play on his father. The old man is getting a little near sighted, and his teeth are not as good as they used to be, but the old man will not admit it. Nothing that