WRITTEN BY HIMSELF.

"Let these shine now that never shone before, And those that always shone now shine the more." Advertisement to Hunt's Blacking.

IN TWO VOLUMES.

VOL. I.

NEW-YORK:

HARPER & BROTHERS, CLIFF-ST.

1836.

CONTENTS OF THE FIRST VOLUME.

BOOK I. CONTAINING INSTRUCTIONS HOW TO SPEND AND HOW TO RETRIEVE A FORTUNE. CHAPTER I. The Author's Preface—which the reader, if in a hurry, or if it be his practice to read against time, can omit. CHAPTER II. The birth and family of Sheppard Lee, with some account of his temper and complexion of mind. CHAPTER III. The pleasures of having nothing to do.—thoughts on matrimony. CHAPTER IV. How to conduct a farm to the best advantage, and steer clear of the lawyers. CHAPTER V. The Author finds himself in trouble.—Some account of his servant, honest James Jumble. CHAPTER VI. Sheppard Lee experiences his share of the respect that is accorded to "honest poverty."—His ingenious and highly original devices to amend his fortune. CHAPTER VII. The Author becomes a Politician, and seeks for an office.—The result of that project. CHAPTER VIII. A description of the Owl-roost, with Mr. Jumble's ideas in relation to Captain Kid's money. CHAPTER IX. Sheppard Lee stumbles upon a happy man, and quarrels with him. CHAPTER X. Sheppard Lee has an extraordinary dream, which promises to be more

advantageous than any of his previous ones. CHAPTER XI. In which the reader is introduced to a personage who may claim his acquaintance hereafter. CHAPTER XII. Sheppard Lee visits the village, makes a patriotic speech, and leaves the fence. CHAPTER XIII. What befell the Author on his way to the Owl-roost.... Sheppard Lee digs for the buried treasure, and makes a blow with the mattock in the wrong place. CHAPTER XIV. In which Sheppard Lee finds himself in a quandary, which the reader will allow to be the most wonderful and lamentable ever known to a human being. CHAPTER XV. Sheppard Lee finds comfort when he least expects it.—The extraordinary close of the catastrophe. CHAPTER XVI. A natural mistake, which, although it procures the Author a rough reception at his own house, has yet the good, effect to teach him the propriety of adapting his manners to his condition. CHAPTER XVII. A natural mistake, which, although it procures the author a rough reception at his own house, has yet the good effect to teach him the propriety of adapting his manners to his condition. BOOK II.

CONTAINING SUNDRY ILLUSTRATIONS OF THE ADVANTAGES OF GOOD LIVING, WITH A FEW CHAPTERS ON DOMESTIC FELICITY. CHAPTER I. Some passages in the life of John H. Higginson, Esq., the happy sportsman, with a surprising affliction that befell the Author. CHAPTER II. The Author, being in prison, makes a confidant of a deputy attorney-general.—The inconvenience of telling a truth which happens to be somewhat incredible. CHAPTER III. Sheppard Lee is visited by new friends, released from prison, and carried to his new place of abode. CHAPTER IV. Containing illustrations of the advantages of dying an unusual death in times of high political excitement. CHAPTER V. The true meaning of the word Podagra. CHAPTER VI. Sheppard Lee's introduction to his wife, and his suspicion that all is not gold that glistens. CHAPTER VII. A comparison between dunning and scolding, with some thoughts on suicide. CHAPTER VIII. Sheppard Lee forms sundry acquaintances, some of which are genteel. CHAPTER IX. The Author grows weary of his wife, and mistakes the river Schuylkill

for the river Lethe.—The tragical adventure that befell a young gentleman in that romantic tide, with its effects upon the destinies of Sheppard Lee. BOOK III. CONTAINING MUCH THAT WILL BE INTERESTING TO YOUNG GENTLEMEN IN DEBT, AND TO FATHERS OF FAMILIES WHO DESIRE TO HAVE THEIR CHILDREN RISE IN THE WORLD. CHAPTER I. The inconveniences of being drowned.—The first chapter of the history of I. D. Dawkins, Esq. CHAPTER II. A conversation betwixt the Author and his bosom friend, John Tickle, Esq. CHAPTER III. In which Sheppard Lee is prepared for the brilliant destiny that awaits him. CHAPTER IV. In which Sheppard Lee has an interview with a lady, who tells him a secret. CHAPTER V. An inventory of a young gentleman's effects, with some account of Mr. Sniggles, his landlord. CHAPTER VI. Sheppard Lee hears news of his uncle, and Mr. Sniggles is brought to his senses. CHAPTER VII. In which Sheppard Lee is told his history. CHAPTER VIII. A conversation with a tailor.—Sheppard Lee finds himself in a situation truly appalling. CHAPTER IX.

The Author receives a visit from his uncle, Samuel Wilkins, Esq., and is relieved from his tormentors. CHAPTER X. Some account of Sheppard Lee's country kinsmen. CHAPTER XI. Containing a morsel of metaphysics, with a short account of the Author's experience in good society. CHAPTER XII. Sheppard Lee makes the acquaintance of his cousin, Miss Pattie Wilkins. CHAPTER XIII. A farther account of Miss Pattie Wilkins. CHAPTER XIV. A short chapter, containing an account of the Author's cousin, Samuel Wilkins, Jr.. CHAPTER XV. In which Sheppard Lee visits Mr. Periwinkle Smith and his fair daughter, and is intrusted with a secret which both astonishes and afflicts him. CHAPTER XVI. Containing much instructive matter in relation to good society, whereby the ambitious reader can determine what are his prospects of entering it. CHAPTER XVII. In which Sheppard Lee relates the passion he conceived for his fair cousin, and his engagement to elope with her. CHAPTER XVIII. In which Sheppard Lee recounts an engagement of a similar nature which he formed with the fair Alicia. CHAPTER XIX.

The ingenious devices with which Sheppard Lee prepared the way for his elopement. CHAPTER XX. The guests that Sheppard Lee invited to his wedding. CHAPTER XXI. Containing a dialogue, or curious conversation with nothing; with a discovery extremely astonishing to several persons. CHAPTER XXII. In which Sheppard Lee finds that he has made the fortune of his friends, without having greatly advantaged his own. CHAPTER XXIII. A crisis.—Sheppard Lee is reduced to great extremities, and takes refuge in the house of mourning. CHAPTER XXIV. What happened in the dead-chamber.—The dirge of a wealthy parent. BOOK IV. CONTAINING ILLUSTRATIONS OF THE FOLLY OF BRINGING UP CHILDREN IN THE WAY THEY SHOULD GO, AND THE WISDOM OF MAKING A FORTUNE. CHAPTER I. The private history of Abram Skinner, the shaver. CHAPTER II. Sheppard Lee's first hit at money-making. CHAPTER III. Reflections on stock-jobbing and other matters.

SHEPPARD LEE.

BOOK I.

CONTAINING INSTRUCTIONS HOW TO SPEND AND HOW TO RETRIEVE A FORTUNE.

CHAPTER I.

THE AUTHOR'S PREFACE,—WHICH THE READER, IF IN A GREAT HURRY, OR IF IT BE HIS PRACTICE TO READ AGAINST TIME, CAN SKIP.

I have often debated in my mind whether I should give to the world, or for ever lock up within the secrecy of my own breast, the history of the adventures which it has been my lot in life to experience. The importance of any single individual in society, especially one so isolated as myself, is so little, that it can scarcely be supposed that the community at large can be affected by his fortunes, either good or evil, or interested in any way in his fate. Yet it sometimes happens that circumstances conspire to elevate the humblest person from obscurity, and to give the whole world an interest in his affairs; and that man may safely consider himself of some value in his generation, whose history is of a character to instruct the ignorant and inexperienced. Such a man I consider myself to be; and the more I reflect upon my past life, the more I am convinced it contains a lesson which may be studied with profit; while, at the same time, if I am not greatly mistaken, the lesson will be found neither dry nor repulsive, but here and there, on the contrary, quite diverting.

The psychologist (I hate big words, but one cannot do without them) and the metaphysician will discover in my relation some new subjects for reflection; and so perhaps will the doctor of medicine and the physiologist: but while I leave these learned gentlemen to discuss what may appear most wonderful in my revealments, I am most anxious that the common reader may weigh the value of what is, at least in appearance, more natural, simple, and comprehensible.

It will be perceived that many of the following adventures are of a truly extraordinary character. There are some men—and to such my story will seem incredible enough—who pride themselves on believing nothing that they do not know, and who endeavour, very absurdly, to restrict the objects of belief to those that admit of personal cognizance. There are others again who boast the same maxim, but have a more liberal understanding of the subjects of knowledge, and permit themselves to believe many things which are susceptible of satisfactory proof, but not of direct cognition. Now I must declare beforehand, in order to avoid all trouble, that, from the very nature of the life I have led, consisting of the strangest transitions and vicissitudes, it is impossible I should have laid up proofs to satisfy any one of the truth of my relation who is disposed to be incredulous. If any one should say, "I doubt," all the answer I could make would be, "Doubt, and be hanged,"—not, however, meaning any offence to anybody; though it is

natural one should be displeased at having his veracity questioned. I write for the world at large, which is neither philosophic nor skeptical; and the world will believe me: otherwise it is a less sensible world than I have all along supposed it to be.

CHAPTER II.

THE BIRTH AND FAMILY OF SHEPPARD LEE, WITH SOME ACCOUNT OF HIS TEMPER AND COMPLEXION OF MIND.

I was born somewhere towards the close of the last century,—but, the register-leaf having been torn from the family Bible, and no one remaining who can give me information on the point, I am not certain as to the exact year,—in the State of New-Jersey, in one of the oldest counties that border upon the Delaware river. My father was a farmer in very good circumstances, respectable in his degree, but perhaps more famous for the excellent sausages he used to manufacture for the Philadelphia market, than for any quality of mind or body that can distinguish one man from his fellows. Taking the hint from his success in this article of produce, he gradually converted his whole estate into a market-farm, raising fine fruits and vegetables, and such other articles as are most in demand in a city; in which enterprise he succeeded beyond his highest expectations, and bade fair to be, as in the end he became, a rich man. The only obstacle to a speedy accumulation of riches was a disproportionate increase in the agents of consumption,—his children multiplying on his hands almost as fast

as his acres, until he could count eleven in all; a number that filled him at one time with consternation. He used to declare no apple could be expected to ripen on a farm where there were eleven children; and as for watermelons and sugar-corn, it was folly to think of raising them longer. But fate sent my father relief sooner and more effectually than he either expected or desired: nine of the eleven being removed by death in a space of time short of six years. Three (two of whom were twin sisters) were translated in the natural way, falling victims to an epidemic, and were buried in the same grave. A fourth was soon after killed by falling out of an apple-tree. My eldest brother, then a boy of fourteen years old, upon some freak, ran away from home (for he was of a wild, madcap turn), and, getting into an oyster-boat, made a voyage into the bay, where he was lost; for, having fallen overboard, and not being able to swim, a clumsy fellow, who thought to save him in that way, clutched him round the neck with a pair of oyster-tongs,

and thereby strangled him. Two others were drowned in a millpond, where they were scraping for snapping-turtles. Another, who was the wag of the family, was killed by attempting to ride a pig, which, running in great alarm through a broken fence into the orchard, dashed his brains out against a white-oak rail; and the ninth died of a sort of hysterical affection, caused by this unlucky exploit of his brother; for he could not cease laughing at it, notwithstanding its melancholy termination, and he died of the fit within twenty-four hours.

Thus, in a few years, there remained but two of all the eleven children,—to wit, my oldest sister Prudence and myself. My mother (from whom I had my Christian name Sheppard, that being her maiden name) died several years before this last catastrophe, her mind having been affected, and indeed distracted, by so many mournful losses occurring in such rapid succession. She fell into a deep melancholy, and died insane.

Being one of the youngest children, I grieved but little for the loss of my brothers and sisters; nor was I able to appreciate the advantage which, in a worldly point of view, their death must prove to me. My father, however, perceived the difference; for, having now so few to look after and be chargeable to him, he could with great propriety consider himself a rich man. He immediately resolved, as I was now his only son, that I should have a good education; and it was not his fault if, in this particular, I fell short of his expectations. I was sent to good schools, and, in course of time, was removed to the college at Nassau Hall, in Princeton, where I remained during three years; that is, until my father's decease; when I yielded to the natural indolence of my temper, and left the college, or rather (for I had formed no resolution on the subject) procrastinated my return from day to day, until it was too late to return.

My natural disposition was placid and easy,—I believe I may say sluggish. I was not wanting in parts, but had as little energy or activity of mind as ever fell to the share of a Jerseyman; and how my father ever came to believe I should make a figure in the world, I cannot conceive, unless it was because he knew he had a fortune to leave me, and saw me safely lodged in a college. It is very certain he encouraged a strong belief that I should one day be a great man; and, I fancy, it was for this reason he showed himself so favourable to me in his will. He left me the bulk of his property, bestowing upon my sister, who had recently married, little beyond a farm which he had purchased in a neighbouring county, but which was a valuable one, and quite satisfied her husband.

But my father was a better judge of sausages than of human character. Besides being deficient, as I humbly confess, in all those qualities that are necessary to the formation of a great man, I had not the slightest desire to be one. Ambition was a passion that never afflicted my mind; and I was so indifferent to the game of greatness which was playing around me, that, I seriously declare, there was a President of the United States elected to office, and turned out again, after having served his regular term, without my knowing any thing about it. I had not even the desire, so common to young men who find themselves in possession of a fortune, to launch out into elegant expenses, to dash about the country with fine horses, servants, and clothes, and to play the spendthrift in cities. On the contrary, I no sooner found myself arrived at my majority, which was a few months after my father's death, than I sat down very quietly on the farm, resolved to take the world easily; which I supposed I might easily do. I had some idea of

continuing to conduct the estate, as my father had done before me; but it was a very vague one; and having made one or two efforts to bear myself like a man of business, I soon found the effort was too tiresome for one of my disposition; and I accordingly hired an overseer to manage the property for me.

CHAPTER III.

THE PLEASURES OF HAVING NOTHING TO DO.—SOME THOUGHTS ON MATRIMONY.

Having thus shuffled the cares of business from my shoulders to another's, my time began to weigh a little heavily on my hands, and I cast about for some amusement that might enable me to get rid of it. As there was great abundance of small game, such as quails, partridges, and rabbits, in the neighbourhood, I resolved to turn sportman; and, in consequence, I bought me a dog and gun, and began to harry the country with some spirit. But having the misfortune to shoot my dog the first day, and, soon after, a very valuable imported cow, belonging to a neighbour, for which I was obliged to pay him enormous damages, and meeting besides with but little luck, I grew disgusted with the diversion. My last shot was soon fired; for, having forgotten the provisions of our game-laws, I killed a woodcock too early in the summer, for which, on the information of a fellow who owed me a grudge, I was prosecuted, although it was the only bird I ever killed in all my life, and soundly fined; and this incensed me so much, that I resolved

to have nothing more to do with an amusement that cost so much money, and threw me into so many difficulties.

I was then at a loss how to pass my time, until a neighbour, who bred fine horses, persuaded me to buy a pair of blooded colts, and try my luck on the turf; and this employment, though rather too full of cares and troubles to suit me exactly, I followed with no little spirit, and became more proud of my horses than I can well express, until I came to try them on the race-course, where it was my luck, what with stakes and betting together, to lose more money in a single day, than my father had ever made in two years together. I then saw very clearly that horse-racing was nothing better than gambling, and therefore both disreputable and demoralizing; for which reason I instantly gave it up, heartily sick of the losses it had occasioned me.

My overseer, or steward,—for such he may be considered,—whom I always esteemed a very sensible fellow, for he was shrewd and energetic, and at least ten years my senior, then advised me, as I was a young man, with money enough, to travel a little, and see the world: and accordingly I went to New-York, where I was robbed of my luggage and money by a villain whose acquaintance I made in the steamboat, and whom I thought a highly intelligent, gentlemanly personage; though, as it afterward appeared, he was a professor from Sing-Sing, where he had been sawing stone for two years, the governor of New-York having forgiven him, as is the custom, the five other years for which he was committed for, I believe, a fraud committed on his own father.

This loss drove me home again; but being re-encouraged by my overseer, I filled my purse and set out a second time, passing up the Hudson river, with which I was prodigiously pleased, though not with the Overslaugh, where we stuck fast during six hours. I then proceeded to Saratoga, where I remained for two weeks, on account of its being fashionable; but, I declare to Heaven, I was never so tired of any place in my life. I then went to Niagara, which, in spite of the great noise it made, I thought the finest place in the world; and there, I think, I should have continued all summer, had it not been for the crowds of tiresome people that were eternally coming and going, and the great labour of climbing up and down the stairs. However, I was so greatly pleased with what I saw, both at Niagara and along the way, that I should have repeated my travels in after years, as the most agreeable way of passing time, had it not been for the dangers and miseries of such enterprises; for, first, the coaches were perpetually falling over, or sticking in the mud, or jolting over stones, so that