Th’ HISTORY o’ HAWORTH RAILWAY fra’ th’ beginnin’ to th’ end, wi’ an…

—o—

Bi Bill o'th' Hoylus End.

On hearing this, the Haworth foalk Began to think it wor no joak, An’ wisht’ at greedy kaa ma’ choak, ’At swallowed th’ plan o’th railway.

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p. iPREFACE TO THE TENTH EDITION.

The Author of this well-known, amusing, and celebrated pamphlet was born on the 22nd March, 1836, at a place midway between Keighley and Haworth, called Hoylus End in a simple cottage near the Whins Delf, at the terminus of the quaint old hamlet known as Hermit Hole, in the Parish of Bingley. He began early in life to write songs and uncouth rhymes, and even as a boy He wrote satires so caustic that they are remembered even to the present day.

However, the Haworth Railway cropped up, and this found him ample food for his pen; and as this is the Tenth Edition of the work it is clear that it is still in popular favour.

p. 1Th’ History o’ Haworth Railway, Fra’ th’ Beginning to th’ End.

CHAPTER I.

Before I commence mi short history o’ Haworth Railway, it might be as weel to say a word or two abaat Haworth itseln. It’s a city at’s little nawn, if onny, in th’ history o’ Ingland, tho thare’s no daat but it’s as oud as Methuslam, if net ouder, yet wi’ being built so far aat o’ th’ latitude o’ civilised nashuns, nobody’s scarcely nawn owt abaat it wal lately. Th’ faanders of it is sed to be people fra th’ Eastern countries, for they tuk fearful after em in Haworth i’th line o’soothsayers, magishuns, an’ istralegers; but whether they cum fra th’ East or th’ West, thay luk oud fasun’d enuff. Nah th’ city is situated in a vary romantic part o’ Yorkshur, an’ within two or three miles o’th boundary mark for th’ next county. Sum foak sez it wur th’ last place ’at wur made, but it’s a mistak, for it looks oud fashun’d enuff to be th’ first ’at wur made. Gurt travellers sez it resembles th’ cities o’ Rome an’ Edinburgh, for thare’s a deal a up-hills afore yo can get tut top on’t; but i’

landing yo’d be struck wi wonder an’ amazement—wat wi th’ tall biggens, monnements, dooms, hampitheaters, and so on, for instance Church, or rather th’ Cathedrall, is a famous biggen, an’ stands majestekely o’th top o’ th’ hill. It hez been sed at it wur Olever Cramwell that wur struck wi’ th’ appearance o’th’ Church an th’ city, alltagether, wal he a mack a consented to have it th’ hed-quarters for th’ army an’ navy.

Th’ faander o’th’ Church is sed to be one Wang be Wang, one o’th’ Empros o’ China as com ower in a balloon an browt wi’ him all his relations but his grandmuther. Th’ natives at that toime wur a mack a wild; but i’ mixing up wi’ th’ balloonites thay soin becum civilized and bigd th’ Church at’s studden fra that toime to nah, wi’th’ exepshun o’ one end, destroyed at sum toime, sum sez it wur be war. Some sez West End an th’ Saath End wur destroyed, but its a mack a settled on by th’ wiseuns it wur witchcraft; but be it as it may, Haworth an th’ foak a’ together is as toff as paps, an hez stud aat weel, an no daht but it wod a flerished before Lundun, Parris, or Jerusalem, for centries back, if they hed a Railway, but after nearly all Grate Britten an’ France p. 2had been furnished wi’ a railway, th’ people i’ Haworth began to feel uneazy an’ felt inclined no longer to wauk several miles to get to a stashun if they wur baan off like. An’ besides, they thout it were high time to begin an’ mak sum progress i’ th’ world, like

their naburs i’ th’ valley. So they ajetated fer a line daan th’ valley as far as Keighla, an’ after abaat a hundred meettings they gat an Akt past for it i’ Parliament. So at last a Cummittee wur formed, an’ they met one neet o’ purpose ta decide wen it wod be th’ moast convenient for ’em ta dig th’ first sod ta commemorate an’ start th’ gurt event. An’ a bonny rumpus thur wur, yo’ mind, for yo’ ma’ think ha it wur conducted when thay wur threapin’ wi’ one another like a lot a oud wimen at a parish pump, wen it sud be. One sed it mud tak place at rush-buren, another sed next muck-spreadin’ toime, a third sed it mud be dug et gert wind day it memmery o’ oud Jack K— Well, noan et proposishuns wud do fur the lot, and there wur such opposishun wal it omust hung on a thre’ad whether th’ railway went on or net, wal at last an oud farmer, one o’th’ committee men, wi’ a voice as hoarse as a farm yard dog, bawls aat, “I propoase Pancake Tuesday.” So after a little more noise it wur propoased an’ seconded et Grand Trunk Railway between

th’ respective taans of Keighla an’ Haworth sud be commemorated wi’ diggin’ th’ furst sod ’o Pancake Tuesday i’th’ year o’ our Lord 1864; an’ bi th’ show o’ hands i’th’ usual way it wur carried bi one, and that wur Ginger Jabus, an’ th’ tother cud a liked to a bowt him ower, but Jabus wornt to be bowt that time, for he hed his heart an’ sowl i’th’ muvment, an he went abaat singing—

Come all ye lads o’ high renown ’At wishes well your native town, Rowl up an’ put your money down And let us hev a Railway.

Wi’ Keighla foak we are behind, An’s hed to wauk agin wur mind; But soin th’ crookt-legg’d ens thay will find We’ll keep em wi’ a Railway.

Well, hasumever, public notice wur made nawn, bi th’ bellman crying it all ower th’ tawn, which he did to such a pitch wal he’d summat to do to keep his hat fra flying off, but he managed to do it at last to a nicety, for th’ news spread like sparks aat of a bakehouse chimla; an’ wen th’ day come they flockt in fra all parts, sum o’th crookt-legg’d ens fra Keighla com, Lockertown and th’ Owertown foak com, and oud bachelors fra Stanbury and all parts at continent o’ Haworth; foak craaded in on all sides, even th’ oud men an’ wimen fra Wicken Crag an’ th’ Flappeters, an’ strappin’ foak they are yo mind, sum as fat as pigs, wi’ heeads as red as carrits, an’ nimble as a india-rubber bouncer taw; an’ wat wur th’ best on’t it happened to be a fine day; or if it hed been made accordin’ to orders it cudent a been finer. Shops wur all closed, an’ everybody, oud an’ young hed a haliday aat o’th’ doors, for they were all flade o’ missin’ th’ Grand Proceshun, which formed itseln at th’ top o’ Wuthren,

when it wur messured it turned aat to be two miles six inches long—it moved as follows:—

p. 3ORDER O’TH’ PROCESHUN.

Th’ Spring heead Band wi’ thair hat bruads turned up so as they mud se thair way clear,

Lord o’th’ Manor i’ full uniform a fut back bearin’ th’ Coat of Arms for Haworth a gert wild cratur wi’ two tails on, one o’ th’ authur end.

Th’ Members o’th’ Corporashun one abreast, singin’ “a nuttin’ we will go, brave boys.”

Big Drums an’ Triangles.

A Mahogany Wheelbarro’ an’ a silver spade on a cart trail’d bi six donkeys, an’ garded bi ten lazy policemen all sober.

A pair o’ crakt bag-pipes.

Th’ Contractor in a sedan carried bi two waggoners i’ white smocks.

All th’ young maidens fra fowerteen to thirty-nine, six abreast drest i’ sky blue, an’ singin’ throo combs.

Twenty oud wimen nittin’ stockings.

Twenty navvies i’ thair shirt sleeves wheelin’ barrows wi work tools in.

Taan skavengers wi’ shouldered besums decorated wi’ ribbons.

Bellman an’ Pinder arm i’arm drest i’ full uniform, an’ th’ latter na an then bawlin’ aat waats baan to tak place.

All scholars in th’ female line lakin’ at duck under water kit, an’ th’ males lakin’ a frog-loup, an jumpin’ o’ one another’s backs.

Taan chimla sweeps mounted o’ donkeys wi’ thair face white.

All th’ furiners fra th’ continent o’ Haworth, and crookt legg’d en fra Keighla followed up.

Bulk o’th’ inhabitants waukin’ one abreast, wi’ hats off an’ singin’ as follows:—

Gather fra Stanbury lads wi’ yor carrot heds, Come daan fra Lockertaan lads bi thi’ railway; Come wi’ yor wives, yor dowters, an’ relatives, Shout, lads, shout for the Worth Valley Railway. Railway, railway.

Cum an’ hear Oufield mak his oration, Yo’ll say in yor conshunce he spack it rait fairly, He’ll say ’at poor Haworth never yet hed fairashun, But he’ll speak of the thing that will flurish it rarely. Railway, &c.

Saw ye Ike Ouden wi’ his mehogany wheelbarrow, Cum dig the furst sod wi’ his spade o’ silver, He wheel’d it daan th’ plank as strayt as a arrow, An’ tipt it as weel as a navvy or delver. Railway, &c.

Saw yo the church so anshunt in history, Read yo the Latin words high in the steeple, Hear yo the sounds that arose from the belfry, It seem’d to be shaating along wi’ the people. Railway, &c.

p. 4Th’ Railway wur i’ iverybody’s maath, wat wi singin’ an’ shaatin’, them ’at cud do northur wisper’d in one anuther’s ears—Railway. But gettin’ to whear th’ ceremuny wur to tak place, th’ proceshun halted an’ formed itseln into a raand ring, an’ cheers wur geen wi’ shakin’ hats an’ handkerchiefs, which lasted wal thair showders an’ arms warked wal they’d hardly strength to shut thair maaths an’ don thair hats on. But hasumever they managed to get reight agean, an’ then a parson call’d Ned Oufield gat up an’ made th’ following narashun—

Fellow countrymen an’ citizens o’ Haworth, it gives me gurt plezzure to see such a gurt event as this tak place i’th’ city o’ Haworth, namely, diggin’ th’ first sod o’ wat’s call’d Grand Trunk Line between Keighla an’ your native element, an’ reight pleased I am to offishiate as chairman on this occashun. Prehaps sum on you maint naw wat I mean wi’ yer native element; but I mean yer oud mountain side, ha naw yo like yer forefathers, yo love it dearly tho yer ancestors wur nowt but barbarians in th’ fourth and fifth centries, yet thay wur th’first to embrace christianity, which thay did in th’ year 600 be th’ Latin inscripshuns on th’ church steeple (loud cheers). And although yo been behind wi’ yor Railway, ye been up i’ different arts an’ sciences. Wot nashun my friends can boast of a majishun like yor owd Jack K—? (Loud Cheers). He wor a credit to yo’ all, an yo’ wur sadly indetted to him; he proffesied twenty year sin ’at this event wod cum to pass (a voice—ha wish he wur alive he sud be

contractor), an’ if h’ed been livin’ to this day its a hundred to one but th’ Railwaw wud hev been made to sum weere else ner Keighla, for ha feel convinced et Keighla is not worthy of amalgamashun wi’ a rispectable city like Haworth. (Hear, hear.) For look wat insulting langwidj they’ve used to yo at different times. (Groans.) First, they sed yo mucked church to mak it grow bigger. Then yo walk’d raand taans post office at Keighla an’ thout it wur th’ cemetery, an’ to mak up for th’ lot, they call us wild craturs an’ mock wur pleasant dialect, wich is better English ner thairs. (Groans, which lasted for ten minits.) Yes, my fella citizens, yo’ve hed to put up wi’ a deal o’ slang fra theas uncultivated rascals. (We have.) An’ wats wur case nur all, you’ve hed to wauk, wet and dry, thro’ thick an’ thin, i’ all sorts o’ weather, to Keighla, wen you’ve wanted to go on th’ continent or to London. But soin yo can wauk slap to th’ train in a jiffey. (Loud cheers.) Mr. Oufield then thenkt his fella taansmen an’ wimen

an’ ended his speech wi’ expressin’ his delight in th’ loyalty o’th’ people for th’ railway, an’ as th’ time wur fast waxin’ he begg’d leave to sit daan, which he did i’th’ midst o’ laad enthusiastic shaatin’.

This bein’ done, an’ iverybody gotten thair maaths shut agean, Ike Ouden gat up an’ made a speech, an a grand en it wur yo mind, for if th’ arkangel ’ad dropt strayt daan fra heven an’ let o’th top o’th platform, it cudn’t a suited th’ foak better, for he began as follows:—

Fella citizens an’ taansmen o’ Haworth, wen I see before me so many smilin’ faces an’ so many distingwisht citizens, I awn I felt a pang as to my unfitness for appearin’ afore yo on this occashun; but yor cummittee wor so urgent in thair appeal to me that I wur certainly induced to akcept th’ honor o diggin’ th’ first sod o’th’ Grand Trunk Railway, which will be th’ gratest blessin’ ’at iver will be i’ Haworth. But yet it’s nut for me to say wat is kalkulated or unkalkulated for th’ people o’ Haworth to do i’ th’ 19th centry, yet I may ventur to say ’at this glorious moovement na baan to tak p. 5place will shortly prove th’ greatest blessin’ iver witness in ’t city o’ Haworth (Loud applause). Look at th’ export an’ import of th’ city, an’ compare th’ spaven’d horse an’ cart wi’ th’ puffin willyhams an’ all th’ fine carriages. Look at th’ difference between wen it tuk a week to go to Liverpool an’ a month to London in a oud coach, an’ hev to mak wur wills afore we went.

(Enthusiastic cheering.) Yes, my friends, we stood good chance o’ bein’ robb’d an’ plundered if net summat war. Besides, wat an immense diff’rence it will mak to Haworth, wen shoo can export her awn manufacturs to all th’ civilised an’ uncivilised world, an’ by means o’ steam find thair way into rejuns niver trod but bi feet o’ wild craturs an’ beasts o’ prey. But to makt story short ah mean to say it will be a grate comfort an’ a blessing to both th’ lame an’ lazey, an’ speshally to th’ latter. But as th’ time wur gettin’ on fastish, as it ollus does wen thare’s owt to be done, so Mr. Ouden finisht his speech as follows:—

Put yor shoulders to work an’ ne’er be danted, Think yer behint an’ there’s no time to dally, For na is the time yor assistance is wanted I’ makkin yor railway along the Worth Valley.

Th’ Spring-head Band then played sum o’ thair favorite tunes, ‘Oud Rosen the bow,’ ‘Jessey’s Pig,’ an’ ended wi’ ‘God save th’ Queen,’ an’ all departed to thair homes wi’ smiling faces.

CHAPTER II.

Double, double, toil an’ trouble.

Nah then lads for wark, nowt but wark’ll do, an’ theas ’at can’t wark mun plan. This wur th’ cry all up an daan Haworth next morning, an’ for weeks all wor vary bizzy. One man made a wheelbarra it’h chamber, but it wor soa big wal it cudn’t be gotten aat withaat takkin th’ haase side daan. Anuther invented a koulin’ machine to koul th’ muck up both sides to save wheelbarras an’ work toils for th’ navvies. Some started a practicin’ for porters a th’ railway, wi’ oppenin’ an’ shuttin’ th’ oven doors wi’ a bang, shaatin’ aat a’th’ same time ‘All aat for Haworth.’ One man wur trying th’ dodge on, an’ th’ cat wur i’th’ ovan, an’ poor thing expectin’ ’at it wur i’th’ wrong place jumpt aat just at th’ time ’at he wur wistling to start, an’ wur catcht bi th’ tail an’ th’ poor thing lost it, for it wur cut off as clean as a wistle. A crookt legg’d pedl’r come fra Keighla one day wi’ winter edges, an’ thay tuk him for a sapper an’ miner ’at hed com to mezhur for

th’ railway, an’ mind yo they did mak sammat on him, thay thout ’at th’ winter edges wur th’ apparatus to mezhur by. But hasumever th’ reightens cum at after, an’ a sore disaster thay hed yo mind, for thay laid plan o’th’ railway daan at green swarth an’ a oud kaa belangin’ to Blue Beard swallow’d th’ job, thay tried to save ’em but all i’ vain; a sor do wur this for both folk an’ th’ railway, for it put em a year or two back an’ foak wur ragin’ mad abaat th’ kaa, an’ if it hedn’t a been a wizen’d oud thing thay’d a swallow’d it alive—th’ nasty, greedy oud kaa.

Thay hed a meeting th’ tother neet, Fair o’th’ top o’ wuthering street, To see what things thay’d got complete, Concerning Haworth railway.

p. 6Wen Penny Wabbac tuk the chair, He lukt to be i’ grate despair, He sez, good foak, are yo’ aware, Wat’s happened to the railway?

Wi’ persperashun on his bra, He sez, good foaks, I’ll tell yo’ nah; Oud Blue Beard’s nasty wizen’d kaa Hez swallow’d plan o’th’ railway.

Wi’ theas remarks poor Wabbac sat, Wen Jonny Broth doft off his hat, His een they blazed like some wild cat Wi’ vengence for the railway.

He sed, mi blud begins to boil, To think ’at we sud work and toil, And even th’ cattle cannot thoyle To let us hev a railway.

On hearing this the Haworth foak Began to think it wur no joak, An wisht ’at greedy kaa ma choak ’At swallow’d plan o’ th’ railway.

But hasumiver thay gat ower this, an’ wur net long at after afore they hed more disasters, such as tunnils shutterin’, and chapels sinkin’, and law suits, an’ so an, wal Haworthers thout bet hart at both th’ foak an’ th’ grund wur soft daan at Keighla, an’ thretten’d to coam sum o’th’ crookt legg’d ens thair heads if they insinuated; an’ th’ Volunteers thretten’d to tak thair part if thair wur owt to do; an’ farther ner that, they vowed ’at they wur ready to go to war wi’ onny nashun that sud insult awther them or th’ railway under the present difficulties.

For sighs an’ tears an’ doubts an’ fears Prevails with greatest folly, For th’ sinagog hez cockt its clog, An’ th’ parson’s melancholy.

Tunnils sink an’ navvies drink, An’ chapels are upsetting; For railway shares nobody cares, An’ iverybody’s fretting.

The iron horse they curse of course, An’ fane wud it abondon, An’ loyer’ fees thair pockets ease, A thousand pounds i’ Londen.

p. 7Misfortunes speed as rank as weed, An’ puts on such a damper, Wal th’ foaks declare i’ great despair, It’s up wi’ th’ iron tramper.

The Volunteers prick up thair ears, An’ mack a famos rattle; They want to run to Wimbledon, Or onny field o’ battle.

Thair black cravats an’ toppen’d hats Are causin’ grate attraction; ’Gainst Bonepart they want to start, I’ regular fightin’ action.

The raw recuits hev got thair suits, Thay brag to one another, To th’ first campaign thay’l tak th’ train Without the slightest bother.

But hasumiver, it’s gotten to th’ last stage na, an’ foak is very impashent for it to come up, an’ thay are preparin’ to give it a grand recepshun; one oud woman hes a peggy tub full o’ meal an’ saar swillings for th’ ingen, an’ thay are preparin for th’ passengers fra Keighla.

Thayr standin’ i’ groups an’ livin’ i’ hopes, An’ more disappointments thay dread, Wi’ thayr ears touchin’ th’ graand, thay’ve harkened for th’ saand, Wal thay’ve omust gone wrong i’ thair head.

Sez Dick o’ Grate Beckers, just keep up yor peckers, Yo’ hevn’t much longer to wait, For blue milk an’ porridge, yo’ll get better forridge, Wen th’ railway gets fairly agait.

For it’s labour i’ vain to harken for th’ train Wen all’s goin’ on varry steady; So pray yo be calm, its takkin no harm, Thay’ll bring it as soin as it’s ready.

For th’ rails are all laid, an’ thair’s nowt to be made, Nobbut th’ navvies to clear off all th’ muck; Then all ’ll be going, for the Cowinhead mooin Is baan to be browt on a truck.

So Sham o’ Blue Bills, wi’ thi pints and thi gills, It’s baan to be better for thee, To Keighla an’ back tha ma go in a crack, Wen tha’s baan on a bit of a spree.

p. 8An’ John o’ Pot Anns, tha mun alter thi plans, For tha niver can get ’em i’ force; For I’m happy to tell at astead o’th’ canal They’re baan to try th’ big iron horse.