THE AGE OF SCIENCE. A NEWSPAPER OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY.

THE AGE OF SCIENCE

The greatest discovery ever achieved by man is beyond all question that which it is now our privilege to announce, namely, that of the new Prospective Telegraph. By this truly wonderful invention (exquisitely simple in its machinery, yet of surpassing power) the obstacle of Time is as effectually conquered as that of Space has been for the last generation by the Electric Telegraph; and future years—even, it is anticipated, future centuries—will be made to respond to our call as promptly and completely as do now the uttermost parts of the earth wherewith the magic wire has placed us in communication.

For obvious reasons the particulars of this most marvellous invention, and the name of its author, must be withheld from the public till the patents be made out, and the enormous profits which must accrue from its application be secured to the Company 4which is invited to undertake to work it (with limited liability). We are only permitted by special favour to hint that the natural Force relied on to set the machinery in action is neither Electric, Magnetic, nor Galvanic; nor yet any combination of these; but that other great correlated imponderable agency, whose existence has been for some time suspected by many intelligent inquirers, called the Psychic Force, whose laws of action it has been reserved for this new and greater Wheatstone to develop and apply to practical utility. That no scepticism may linger in the minds of our readers, we desire to add that we have been gratified by the actual inspection of several short fragments forestalled by this invaluable process from the press of the next fifty, eighty, and one hundred and thirty years respectively; and have at

this moment in our hands a complete transcript (the most important document of the series) of a newspaper bearing date January 1st, 1977, photographed in a very beautiful manner by the machine upon an enormous sheet of paper, which was found needful to contain the type in the most compressed form. As the printed matter of this gigantic periodical equals at least in bulk the whole of Gibbon’s History, or Mr. Jowett’s edition of Plato, we cannot attempt to do more than offer our 5readers a few brief extracts, serving, however, we trust, as not inadequate samples of the literary treasures which are shortly to be revealed to our curiosity, and satisfying even the most incredulous that the invention of which we speak has been crowned with triumphant success. We have only to add that the great originator of this discovery entertains hopes that, by an ingenious inversion of the action of his machine, he may be able to convert it, when required, into a Retrospective Telegraph, bringing back the Past, as it already antedates the Future, and restoring to us all the records of antiquity

whose loss we have deplored, as, for example, the Odes of Sappho, the missing Books of Livy, the Prometheus Unbound of Æschylus, and the original MSS. of the Vedas, the Zend Avesta, and the Pentateuch. The final completion of this latter discovery, however, is scarcely perfected, and we shall not therefore pause to describe its probable value, but proceed without further delay to put our readers in possession of all the details for which we can find space concerning the Newspaper of 1977, which has been very sagaciously selected by the inventor as the first fruits of the working of his Prospective Machine.

The name of this journal (which, we conclude, may 6be considered as the Times of the twentieth century) is

and obviously refers with pride to the consciousness of its readers that they live in a period of the world’s history when Science reigns supreme over human affairs, having achieved unimaginable triumphs, and altogether superseded most of the pursuits of mankind in ruder ages, such as War, the Chase, Literature, Art, and Religion. This appropriate title is printed, we may remark, in the largest and clearest possible Roman type, instead of in the Old English character now commonly used for a similar purpose. No fount, indeed, which we have ever seen employed, save in a few old Italian folio éditions de luxe, has type so large and legible as that in which the whole newspaper is printed, the greatest care apparently being taken to spare the eyes—or perhaps we should say the spectacles—of the readers, since, judging from the opticians’ advertisements of “Spectacles for Infants,” “Spectacles for Elementary Schools by the gross,” and “Cautions to Mothers” against allowing babies to use their eyes, it would appear that unassisted vision had become rare, if not

unknown. There are ten columns on each page, each 7ten times as long as it is broad, and there are a hundred pages in the journal, proving that the decimal system has been thoroughly adopted even in such details. Spread out open, the Age of Science would cover the floor of a very large hall, and we apprehend from certain marks that a convenient method of suspending it on pulleys from the ceiling, must have superseded our clumsy practice of holding our papers with extended arms.

Proceeding to peruse the intensely interesting contents of the Age of Science, we first note that it is written in English differing from our own chiefly by the use of a strange and, to our eyes, barbarous orthography, (intended, we presume, to facilitate elementary education,) and by the introduction of a vast number of technical terms of the class we reserve for scientific treatises, but which are apparently brought into use in everyday parlance. The familiarity of the contributors with all gases, fluids, and substances of chemistry, all the bones of all the beasts, birds, and fishes which live, or ever did live, on this planet, and all the diseases incidental to humanity, speaks volumes for the superiority of their scientific education over our own. At the same time, on two or three occasions when illustrations have been chosen from past History or Poetry, the 8writers betray that their studies have not been much extended in the direction of Literature. One gentleman thinks that Mr. Gladstone wrote the Iliad on hints afforded by Dr. Schliemann, and that

Milton was the author of the Book of Genesis. Another refers to the period when Rome was founded by Romeo and Juliet, while a third mentions the “once celebrated Divina Commedia by Moliere,” and regrets that “so curious a specimen of archaic Japanese art as Titian’s ‘Assumption’ should not have been spared from the pile in which the ‘Transfiguration’ of Phidias and the ‘Last Supper’ of Praxiteles were so judiciously destroyed by order of the Committee of the Royal Academy, to put a stop to the propagation of bad æsthetic taste.” For the intelligence of our readers we shall be compelled to translate the singular phraseology of the Age of Science as nearly as possible into familiar English, and our present spelling; and shall only quote a few of the Leading Articles, touching on specially interesting topics, out of the twenty-five which the vast newspaper publishes as its daily contribution.

The arrangement of the Age of Science is a little different from and more logical than that of our journals. The first page is rationally devoted to Telegraphic Intelligence, which everyone may be supposed 9to desire first to read. Instead of political news, however, or records of battles, deaths of eminent personages, floods, storms, or fires, these telegrams consist exclusively of minute verbatim reports of the proceedings of above ninety Scientific Congresses, which seem to be taking place at the same time in Europe, Asia, America, Australia, and even in one instance (a Geographical Meeting) in Africa, on the shore of Lake Albert Nyanza. The various sections of the British Association have been obviously long broken up, and again divided and subdivided till separate congresses have been found desirable for each department.

It would occupy more space than the whole of this volume to offer even the briefest condensation of these Reports, as the discussions and papers of the learned members of the different congresses are carried on chiefly in terms quite unintelligible to us, and refer to scientific disputes to which we do not possess a clue. We must pass over these columns of the Age of Science, and proceed to the next department, which is a Report of the Assembly of Convocation—a topic which we were surprised to find possessed such prominent interest, till we discovered that the Convocation of 1977 will consist exclusively of Medical men. The Upper House seems to be 10formed of Physicians and Surgeons who have obtained titles of Nobility, and take rank according to the dioceses over which they exercise medical supervision, and the Lower House to be a representative body elected by medical graduates throughout the kingdom.

The meetings for the Province of Canterbury take place respectively in Henry the Seventh’s Chapel, and in the nave of Westminster Abbey; Jerusalem Chamber and the Board Room of the Bounty Office having probably proved inconveniently small, and the whole Abbey (as we learn accidentally from a paragraph in another part of the paper) having been “set aside, since the Dissolution of the Churches, for the use of the Medical Profession, and for anatomical and physiological lectures and craniological researches, for which latter purpose the vaults beneath offer peculiarly interesting specimens.”

The Report runs as follows:—

The House assembled at eleven o’clock in Henry VII.’s Chapel, pursuant to the order of prorogation. His Grace the Lord Archphysician of Canterbury presided. There were also present the Right Rev. Lord Doctors of Winchester, London, Oxford, Ely, Salisbury, Exeter, Lincoln, and Peterborough. After the presentation of 11sixty-four Petitions, a Report was received from the Venerable Congregation of the Index, which was approved and ordered to lie on the table. Among the works whose perusal will henceforth be prohibited to the laity will be found all Medical Guides and Treatises on Domestic Medicine, Household Surgery, and the like, which have pretended to direct the multitude how to cure or prevent disease without the aid of a physician. As the Lord Doctor of Lincoln judiciously observed, “the heresy involved was precisely analogous to that of the old religious sect of Protestants, who taught the ignorant laity that they might save their souls without applying to a priest. Doctors,” his lordship added, “were the appointed Ministers of the Body, and the man who

imagined his health could be saved without them would find out his error when it was too late.”

The Doctors, Archdoctors, and Pro-Apothecaries constituting the Lower House of Convocation assembled in the Nave of Westminster Abbey at 11 o’clock. The Very Eminent Cyrup Camomile, M.D., Archdoctor of Cheltenham, Prolocutor, presided.

The Prolocutor having bowed to the busts of Hippocrates, Galen, and Harvey (a ceremony which has been substituted for the old form of prayers), præconization was taken by the actuary of the names of members; assessors were appointed, and a multitude of petitions presented. The Schedules of Gravamina and Reformanda were then called for. Among the former the most important (which was sent up at once to the Upper House as an Articulus Medici) was the gravamen of the Archapothecary of Sarum, which set forth that, contrary the interests of the profession and ordinary usage, a Coroner had been recently elected for the county of Dorset who was not a Medical Man. Another gravamen referred to the inadequacy of the fees to be legally claimed by Doctors for granting Certificates of Birth, Vaccination, Equination, Porcination, Sanitary Fitness for Factory or other labours, Fitness for Marriage, and, finally, the most important Certificates of having died under 12due Medical care and supervision, and being consequently admissible for Cremation.

Members were then called upon to give notice of motions, and discussions followed on those of Sir William Puffin—

That Convocation should remonstrate with Her Majesty’s Ministers for the laxity wherewith the laws relating to Medical Heretics are enforced.

Of Sir Andrew Scrivener—

That Convocation should desire Her Majesty’s Secretary of State for Home Affairs to introduce immediately into Parliament a Bill prohibiting Dinner Parties, exceeding seven persons in number, to be held without the presence of a qualified Physician or Surgeon.

Of Dr. Aqua Fortis—

That a Bill should be likewise required, compelling Railway and Steamboat Companies to employ, at suitable salaries, a staff of properly qualified Surgeons, one of whom at least should travel by every train and on every steamboat.

And of Dr. Scurvydrop—

That a Deputation from Convocation should wait on the Lords of the Admiralty to remonstrate on the subordinate position allotted to Surgeons on board Her Majesty’s Ships, and to demand that the Medical Officer should at all times (except when the immediate conduct of the ship is in question) takes precedence of the Captain as Commander.

A similar motion was made by Dr. Turniquet for a deputation to the Horse Guards on behalf of the Army Surgeons, and was, like all the preceding motions, adopted unanimously.

The Report concludes with the observation—

As Parliament does not meet for another week, there must be a delay of a few days before the recommendations of Convocation are carried into effect, but it is unnecessary to remark that they will be adopted unchallenged by the Legislature. Since the solemn Protest, carried by the 50,000 doctors, who marched down Whitehall in procession, “against the Interference of the Secular Power 13in Things Medical,” no Minister of the Crown, much less any private member, has attempted to move an Amendment to any of the numerous Bills presented by the profession.

After the Report of Convocation, the Age of Science contains one column of Stocks and Shares, not possessing any special interest for readers of the present day, but appearing to prove, strangely enough, that investments are much fewer than in our time, and cannot be made in any Foreign securities. After these, in lieu both of Naval and Military Intelligence, and of the Church, five columns are devoted to Medical Appointments and Promotions, and to a considerable correspondence on the proposed endowment of two new Physicianships (with seats in the House of Lords) at St. Albans and Truro. After all these we find twenty columns devoted to Latest Intelligence, in short paragraphs, of which we cull a few of the most interesting.

The magnificent Joss House now in process of erection by the Chinese of London forms a striking ornament to Regent Street, standing as it does on the site of the old deserted Langham Chapel. It will, we imagine, be the only place dedicated to religious purposes which has been built during the last twenty years in the metropolis, and almost the only one in actual use. Although we 14cannot, of course, ourselves, as a Scientific nation, formally join in the worship of Buddha, we must all regard with sympathy and satisfaction the honours paid to that great Teacher by the very important section of our community, the Chinese day labourers and domestic servants, of whom it is said more than half a million have contributed to the erection and adornment of this Temple. Considering the impossibility of inducing Englishmen to undertake in these days the lower kinds of work, we should come altogether to a standstill were it not for the tens of thousands of industrious Chinese who have replenished our labour market. The statue of Buddha is a noble work of modern

sculpture by Mr. Merino. The traditional pose of the crossed legs is slightly altered to bring them within the rules of scientific anatomy, and the Sage is obviously pondering those profound lessons of Pessimism (that it is a bad world we live in, and that we need not expect a better) which have justly secured for him the reverence of cultivated Europe.

An accident of the ordinary sort occurred last night to the new Magnetic train, which was at the moment passing under the Channel, about 10 miles from Dover. From messages sent by the portable electric machine along the wires the moment before the catastrophe took place, it would appear that the engineers have been again at fault in the construction of the roof of the tunnel, and that the sea was rushing in with such violence that little hopes were entertained of bringing 15the train to the next watertight compartment. The result justified these fears, for the whole compartment of the tunnel in which the train was stopped is to-day entirely full of water, and it must be assumed that the unfortunate passengers—numbering, it is supposed, about 800—have been drowned like so many rats in a trap. The accident is unfortunate for the proprietors of Submarine Tunnel Stock, and also for several Insurance Companies, as extensive repairs will be required; but Science teaches us to regard these occurrences with composure, as serving to check the increase of a superabundant population.

The Simian Educational Institute (on Frobel’s system), for members of the Ape family, continues to attract the strongest interest. In testing the educability of the Simian tribe we are solving one of the most important problems of Science, and hitherto everything seems to promise the triumphant success of the experiment. There are now among the pupils at the Institute three Chimpanzees, whose grandfathers and grandmothers have all been well-educated monkeys; so that the set of the brain of these young people is already marked towards progress and civilization. It is needless to observe that all the students are required to wash and dress themselves every morning in the becoming male and female habiliments provided by the taste of the Governors of the Institute. Great pains are also taken with their manners at meal times, and, to avoid temptation, nuts are not admitted at dessert. One of the 16young gentlemen (Joseph Macacus Silenus, Esq., generally known by his intimates as “Joe”) is said to exhibit extraordinary talents, and to be able to

answer any question in elementary science by means of an alphabet and a system of knocks, which (in view of the yet unconquerable speechlessness of monkeys) has been accepted as the best substitute for language, having been formerly invented by an ingenious race of impostors named Mediums, who flourished in the obscurity of the Victorian age. The plan adopted in France, in deference to the advice of the great French naturalist, M. Houzeau, to employ the anthropoid apes as domestic servants, has proved, we are informed, altogether successful in several families. Madame Le Singe, a fine specimen of the Gorilla tribe, has acted for some months as confidential Nurse in the family of a distinguished Member of the Institute (M. Gobemouche), and is said to maintain discipline among her charges excellently well. It is an instructive spectacle to see Madame Le Singe walking on a fine day with the children, and pushing a perambulator in the Gardens of the Tuileries. The more ordinary employment found, however, for domestic Apes is that of cooks, when

it is observed they occasionally call in the services of the household cat to assist them as kitchenmaid, especially when roast chestnuts form part of the entertainment.