THE BLUE PETER

SEA COMEDIES

BY

MORLEY ROBERTS

AUTHOR OF "THE PROMOTION OF THE ADMIRAL" "CAPTAIN BALAAM OF THE 'CORMORANT'" ETC.

LONDON EVELEIGH NASH 1906

INSCRIBED AFFECTIONATELY TO MY FATHER

CONTENTS

I. THE EXTRA HANDS OF THE NEMESIS

II. THE STRANGE SITUATION OF CAPTAIN BROGGER

III. THE OVERCROWDED ICEBERG

IV. THE REMARKABLE CONVERSION OF THE REV. T. RUDDLE

V. THE CAPTAIN OF THE ULLSWATER

THE EXTRA HANDS OF THE NEMESIS

The steamship Nemesis, of two thousand five hundred and fifty tons register, and belonging to the port of London, had nearly finished her loading one foggy afternoon in a foggy November. She was at Tilbury, taking in a general cargo for Capetown and Australian ports, and as the last few cases were coming on board the skipper came on board too by way of the big gangway, close by which the second mate was standing.

"Is that the last of it?" asked the 'old man' gloomily.

"Yes, sir," said Mr. Cade with equal gloominess. When a man is second mate at the age of fifty it is not surprising that he should be sulky.

"And it is time it was, for we're well down to our mark, and no mistake about it, sir."

Captain Jordan said nothing, but walked for'ard to his cabin and sat down wearily. He threw a bundle of papers on his table, and filling his pipe smoked for a few minutes. He was a fine handsome white-headed man of some fifty-two years, and had once been ambitious. Now he worked for Messrs. Gruddle, Shody, & Co., and, as all seamen knew, to work for them was to have lost all chances that following the sea affords even in these days.

"The swine," said old Jordan to himself, "oh, the swine that they are! I wish I could get even with them. If I could do that I could die happy. They are charitable, are they? Curse their charity! Ah, if I hadn't been so unlucky in my last employ."

But that was it. He had been in the employ of a good firm with one bitterly unjust regulation. Any skipper of theirs who lost a ship, even through no fault of his own, had to go, and, though he had worked for them for twenty years, that was his fate when he piled up the Grimshaw Hall on the Manacles.

"And that's how they got me cheap," said Jordan. "And because poor Cade lost his master's certificate through an error of judgment they have him cheap, and they have my old chum Thripp cheap in the same way. Oh, they are a precious lot of swine, and I wish I had 'em here with me when we are out at sea. I'd tell 'em what I think of 'em, if I got the sack right off and had to ship before the mast."

Thripp the mate came by the cabin, and the skipper called to him.

"Yes, sir," said Thripp.

"Come in a moment," said Jordan. "I've something to tell you, something that will cheer you up and make you like the firm better than ever."

Thripp was also as grey as a badger, but not through age. He, too, had been a master mariner, and had lost his first and only command by running her against an iceberg in a fog. He had had orders to make a passage at all costs, but those orders were verbal, and his owners showed in court printed instructions that bade all their employees use extra caution in time of fog, even if a slow passage were the result. Therefore Messrs. Gruddle, Shody, & Co. got him cheap too.

"What's their charity now?" asked Thripp scornfully.

"It begins at home as usual," replied the skipper. "They have cut you and me down thirty bob a month and Cade a quid."

Thripp sighed, and then swore.

"Well, we have both had our certificates suspended," said Jordan bitterly, "so what can we expect? Men like us are every owner's dogs, and they know it. I'm half a mind to quit."

"I've got a wife," said Thripp, "and I can't put the poor old girl in the workhouse."

Jordan had never been married, and was glad of it now.

"I once had a chance to marry a lady with ships of her own," he said thoughtfully, "and I was fool enough to prefer to run alone. But it is wonderful how fond that woman was of me, Thripp. She proposed to me three times."

"You don't say so," said Thripp.

"Fact, I assure you," replied Jordan. "She was as ugly as a freak, and fat enough to make a livin' in a show, so I couldn't do it, you see.

"I see," sighed Thripp, "but it was a pity."

"An awful pity," said the skipper. "And even now she ain't forgot me, though it is ten years ago and more since we first met. Every Christmas she sends me a puddin' and a bottle of rum that would make your hair curl, ninety over proof at least, and with the aroma of a West Injies sugar plantation. I wonder if she has any sort of a notion how I've come down in life so as to be at the mercy of a Jew like Gruddle."

Cade came along and reported that the very last of the cargo was in and that the hatches were on. Jordan called him in and gave him a tot of whisky, and broke the news to him that his wages had had another cut. But the second mate said nothing at all. He shook his head and went out.

"His spirit is broke," said Jordan gloomily.

"Oh, no," said Thripp, "it's only that he hasn't the words, poor chap. Well, it ain't any wonder. I haven't any myself. But if I ran across Gruddle my opinion is that I should find 'em in spite of my bein' a married man."

"Last week they was talkin' of comin' along with us as far as Gib," said Jordan. "They are mighty proud of this steamer that I know they got by fraud and diddlin' out of Johns and Mackie. Oh, they are very proud of her, and they see money in her."

"If they had come," said Thripp savagely, "I should have said something or bust."

"Better to bust, I suppose," replied the skipper, "though I own that if I knew they was comin' with us I should be tempted to say a lot that's now inside me boilin'. I wish they was, I own it. I own it freely, even if I got the sack."

He relapsed on the ship's papers, and Thripp went out to attend to the duties of a conscientious mate on the eve of going to sea. He passed a telegraph boy on the main-deck and directed the lad to the captain's cabin. Destiny in a uniform thanked him and whistled. When he had found the skipper and old Jordan had read the message he was the one who whistled. But he did not do so from want of thought by any means. He looked as savage as a trapped weasel, and as black as a nigger on a dark night.

"Well, I'm damned," said Jordan, "so they are goin' to do it after all! And I don't know that I wish it now!"

He whistled again and rang the bell for the steward, who was another of the firm's cheap bargains. He had been in prison, in company with a former captain of his, for disposing of stores in foreign parts and feeding the crew on something that the illicit purchaser threw into the bargain. He was now trying to regain his lost reputation at the wages of an ordinary seaman.

"Steward," said the skipper, "I want you to read this telegram and arrange for it as best you can. They will be with us for six days or thereabouts."

For the wire was from Mr. Gruddle, and it stated that the four partners were going with them as far as Gibraltar.

"Shall we 'ave to get in anythin' special for them in the way of provisions, sir?" asked the steward.

The 'old man' scratched his head and said that he thought so.

"As you know, Smith, what we have to eat is horrid bad," he said thoughtfully.

"It is, sir," replied Smith. "It ain't fit for pigs."

Jordan stood thinking for a minute. Then he turned to Smith.

"On the whole, Smith, I think I'd get nothing. I'd like 'em to see the kind of stuff they buy for us. Perhaps it will do them good. It don't do us any. Get nothin', Smith."

"Very well, sir," said the steward with a grin. He turned to go, and Jordan stopped him.

"I suppose, Smith, that some of the grub is worse than the rest?" he asked.

"Lord bless you, sir, the men's grub is fair poison."

"Is it now?" said the skipper. "Do you know, Smith, I think we'll eat what the men do for the passage as far as Gibraltar. I'll speak to Mr. Thripp and Mr. Cade, and I daresay they won't mind just for a little while."

"I could put you and them somethin' better in your cabin, sir, if the other made you very sick," suggested Smith.

"So you could. To be sure you could," said Jordan. "That's a very good idea of yours, Smith. But fix up their berths. They will be aboard to-morrow mornin'."

He broke the news to the mates that the whole firm was coming on a little trip with them, and when he asked them if they had any objection to the fare that Smith proposed to give them for those few days they said they would be glad to see it on the table. They thought almost happily of the face that Gruddle would put on when he saw the measly and forbidden pork. They had visions of Shody, who was a wholesale grocer as well as a ship-owner, when he sampled the stores that he supplied the firm with. They smiled to think of Sloggett and Butterworth, the junior partners, who promised to be quite as bad as their elders by and by, and were known to be fond of high feeding. The only mistake they fell into about the whole body of the firm was that they took them for fools who did not know what sort of food they gave their officers and crews. For next morning at nine o'clock a number of fascinating-looking cases were brought on board, on which was the name of a well-known provision merchant. And with the cases which obviously contained provisions there were some which

quite as obviously held champagne. The 'old man' and the two mates looked at this consignment and their jaws dropped.

"Our scheme ain't worth a cent," said Jordan sadly.

"It might be worse, though," said Thripp; "we'll get some of this lot, of course."

"Do you think so?" asked Jordan sadly.

"Of course I do," said Thripp indignantly. "Whatever kind of swabs they are, they ain't surely so measly as to grub on this in our very presence and see us eat the other muck?"

The skipper smiled a slow and bitter smile.

"Thripp, you are a good seaman, but as a judge of humanity you ain't in it with Cade. All you and me will get of this lot will be the smell of it."

An hour later the owners came on board, and were received with the humility due to such great men, who owned ships and shops and had houses in Croyden, and reputations which smelt in heaven like a tallow refining factory. The very deck hands who brought their luggage on board cursed them under their breath, and would have been glad to do it openly. Then as the tide served the Nemesis cast off from the wharf and made her way out into the stream, and started on her most memorable trip. If all the folks connected with the sea who knew the character of the men who owned her had also known that they were on board, and what was going to happen before they got back to England again, she and they would have got a more lively send-off than she did get.

The partners were in a very happy frame of mind, and showed it. They had got hold of the Nemesis cheap and were going to make money out of her. They had their officers and crew on the cheap as well, and it warmed their hearts to think of the price that they had provisioned her at in these hard times. Everything on board the Nemesis was cheap except the grub they had sent on board for their own use, and even that had been paid for by a creditor as a means of getting the firm to renew a bill. It was quite certain the firm knew their way about the dark alleys of this world. Gruddle had a cent.-per-cent. grin on his oily face, and fat Shody smiled like a hyena out on a holiday, and the two more gentlemanly-looking members of the firm laughed jovially.

"It's a great idea this," said Sloggett. "We're going to 'ave an ideal 'oliday and pay nothin' for it, and when we get to Gibraltar we will put the screw on Garcia & Co. and show them that we are not to be played with. Oh, this was a good idea of yours, Butterworth, and I congratulate you on it."

They were shown their berths by the scared and obsequious steward, and they changed their frock-coats and high hats, without which they could not move a step, and put on more suitable garments. Gruddle, for instance, put on patent leather shoes and spats, which with black trousers and a loud check coat looked exceedingly striking. He wore a Royal Yacht Squadron cap, which he had as much right to as a Field Marshal's uniform. It suited his style of Oriental beauty as much as that would have done, and he went on deck as pleased as Punch. He felt every inch a sailor. The others followed him, and were almost as remarkable to look at in their own way. Shody, who was a very fat man, was in knickerbockers and shooting-boots, and wore a fur-lined overcoat; while Sloggett was adorned, in a new yachtsman's rig-out which made him look like a pallid shop-walker. Butterworth was the only one who stuck to ordinary clothes, and, as a consequence, he looked like a gentleman beside the others. It was an illusion, of course, for he wasn't a gentleman by any means. On the contrary,

he was a member of the firm, and a rising man in that branch of the shipping world which makes its money out of sinking ships.

"'Ow long will it be before we are in fine weather?" he asked, as he stared at the docks and warehouses. But no one knew, and just then there was no one to ask, for all the officers had their hands full. The river was thick with traffic, and there was enough mist on the water to make navigation a little risky.

"Oh, give me sunlight," said Gruddle. "When the sun shines I'm almost as happy as when I turn a loss into a profit by attention to details."

His partners laughed.

"There is nothing like an 'oliday on the cheap, with a free mind," said Shody. "I likes an 'oliday, I own, but when it costs me money I ain't as 'appy as when it costs someone else money."

"There is one thing about this vessel that fills me with a just pride," said Gruddle, "and that is that her wages bill per month is prob'ly thirty-three and a third per cent. under that of any vessel of hequal tonnage sailin' out of London this day. And it's done without meanness too, all on account of my notion of givin' work to the unfortunate at a trifle under current rates. This is the only firm in London that can be charitable, and 'ave the name for it, and make money out of it."

They said that was so, and they discussed the officers.

"All good men, if a trifle unfortunate," said Shody. "A year ago who would 'ave believed that we could 'ave got a man like Jordan for what we pay 'im? The very hidea would 'ave been laughed at. But he 'as an accident that wasn't 'is fault, and down comes 'is price, and we nip in and get a real good man cheap as dirt, and keep 'im off of the streets so to speak. Oh, Gruddle, it was a great idea of yours; and to give that poor unfort'nit steward a job when 'e came out of chokey was real noble of you."

"So it was," said Gruddle, "but I was always soft-'earted if I didn't lose money by it."

"So you were," said Shody warmly. "Do you remember 'ow you gave poor Jenkins time to borrow money of his relatives w'en by all rights you ought to 'ave given 'im into charge, and 'e would 'ave got ten years as safe as a bill of Rothschild's?"

In such reminiscences of the firm's noble efforts on the part of suffering and erring humanity they passed an agreeable hour, and then went below and cracked a bottle of champagne. Soon afterwards it was time for lunch, and Butterworth saw to the arrangements of their special table, and got things out to be cooked. The skipper came down for a moment while they were eating, and Gruddle called him over to their table.

"Will you 'ave a glass of champagne, captain?" he asked.

"With pleasure, sir," said the white-headed old skipper, who looked like a thoroughbred beside any one of them.

"Ah, I thought you would," said Gruddle warmly. "I reckon you 'ave not tasted it since you wrecked the Grimshaw 'All on the Manacles, captain. And don't you forget that if you wrecks the Nemesis you won't taste much but skilly and water for the rest of your life. Pour 'im out a glass, Sloggett, if you can spare it."

Jordan drank the wine, and it nearly choked him. When he got out of their sight he spat on the deck, and went upon the bridge alongside the pilot shivering. His hands were clenched and he was almost sick with rage.

The mud-pilot saw that there was something wrong.

"Are you ill, captain?" he asked.

"I've 'ad a blow," said the old skipper, "I've 'ad a blow."

The pilot thought he had had bad news, and was sorry for him.

"No, not bad news," said poor old Jordan. "It ain't no news to me. Somebody said somethin' that puts things in a new light to me."

He chewed the cud of unutterable bitterness and wished he was dead. He did not go below again till they were well in the Channel, and he ate no supper. He could not get it down. He sent for Thripp to his cabin, and burst out on the mate with the intolerable insults that he had had to put up with.

"We're their dogs," said Thripp bitterly; "but if I am married I'll not put up with much, sir. They're half drunk by now, and are playin' cards and drinkin' more, and Dixon is cryin' in his pantry because one of 'em started bullyin' him about something, and said that he was a hard bargain at any price."

"I wish I could get even, oh, I do wish it," said old Jordan. "Did you ever hear of such mean dogs in all your life?"

"Only in books, sir," said the mate thoughtfully. "I recollect in some book readin' about a man like Gruddle, but I forget what book it was. But I do remember that someone knocked the man down that was as bad as Gruddle. I enjoyed that book amazin'ly, sir."

"I wish you knew the name of it," said the skipper. "But if I 'ad as much money laid by as would bring me in fifteen shillin's a week I'd show you something better than anythin' you ever read in a book, Thripp. You mark my words, I would."

"What would you show me, sir?" asked the mate eagerly.

But old Jordan sighed.

"What's the good of thinking of pure enjoyment when one ain't in the least likely to get the chance of havin' it? We must put up with 'em, Thripp. After all it's only to Gibraltar, and after that we are by ourselves. I hope I shan't explode before then."

And Thripp went away to talk to the engineer, and to try to remember the name of the book in which someone got his deserts. While he was doing that the partners played cards and drank more than was good for them, and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. They told Thripp, when he came below, that the whole ship was disgracefully dirty, and that if he wanted to keep his job he had better see to it at once. As they screwed him down on paint and all stores necessary to prevent a vessel looking as bad as a house in Chancery, this naturally did not cheer him up. Dixon was really in tears because Gruddle swore at him in the most horrid way without any reason, except that he had sworn at Shody and had got the worst of it. Cade accidentally ran into Butterworth, who was sneaking round to see if he could find anything to complain about, and Butterworth promptly said he was a clumsy hound. According to Jordan, Cade's spirit was broken, but this was more than he could stand even from one of the owners. He told Butterworth to go where it was a deal hotter than the Red Sea in July. He did not use any

circumlocution about it either, and Butterworth was in a fury. He complained to the skipper, and Jordan had the greatest difficulty in refraining from endorsing Cade's hasty recommendation of a suitable climate for the junior partner. But he did refrain.

"I am very sorry that he should have so far forgotten himself," said Jordan. "I will speak to him at once."

"The insolent fool must apologise," said Butterworth; and Jordan said that Mr. Cade would undoubtedly see that that was his duty. He called for Cade, and Cade's spirit seemed to have quite bucked up. He flatly declined to apologise unless Mr. Butterworth first did so for 'calling him out of his name.'

"He said I was a clumsy hound," said Cade.

"So you are," said Butterworth, "and I say it again."

"Do you hear that, Captain Jordan?" asked Cade. "Is an officer in this vessel or in any other to be spoke to like that before the men? Before I'll apologise I'll see that sailor-robber in hell, sir."