PREFACE.

The design of the projector of this volume was, that it should contain the Best of the shorter humorous poems in the literatures of England and the United States, except:

Poems so local or cotemporary in subject or allusion, as not to be readily understood by the modern American reader;

Poems which, from the freedom of expression allowed in the healthy ages, can not now be read aloud in a company of men and women;

Poems that have become perfectly familiar to every body, from their incessant reproduction in school-books and newspapers; and

Poems by living American authors, who have collected their humorous pieces from the periodicals in which most of them originally appeared, and given them to the world in their own names.

Holmes, Saxe, and Lowell are, therefore, only REPRESENTED in this collection. To have done more than fairly represent them, had been to infringe rights which are doubly sacred, because they are not protected by law. To have done less would have deprived the reader of a most convenient means of observing that, in a kind of composition confessed to be among the most difficult, our native wits are not excelled by foreign.

The editor expected to be embarrassed with a profusion of material for his purpose. But, on a survey of the poetical literature of the two countries, it was discovered that, of really excellent humorous poetry, of the kinds universally interesting, untainted by obscenity, not marred by coarseness of language, nor obscured by remote allusion, the quantity in existence is not great. It is thought that this volume contains a very large proportion of the best pieces that haveappeared.

An unexpected feature of the book is, that there is not a line in it by a female hand. The alleged foibles of the Fair have given occasion to libraries of comic verse; yet, with diligent search, no humorous poems by women have been found which are of merit sufficient to give them claim to a place in a collection like this. That lively wit and graceful gayety, that quick perception of the absurd, which ladies are continually displaying in their conversation and correspondence, never, it seems, suggest the successful epigram, or inspire happy satirical verse.

The reader will not be annoyed by an impertinent superfluity of notes. At the end of the volume may be found a list of the sources from which its contents have been taken. For the convenience of those who live remote from biographical dictionaries, a few dates and other particulars have been added to the mention of each name. For valuable contributions to this portion of the volume, and for much well-directed work upon other parts of it, the reader is indebted to Mr. T. BUTLER GUNN, of this city.

There is, certainly, nothing more delightful than the fun of a man of genius. Humor, as Mr. Thackeray observes, is charming, and poetry is charming, but the blending of the two in the same composition is irresistible. There is much nonsense in this book, and some folly, and a little ill-nature; but there is more wisdom than either. They who possess it may congratulate themselves upon having the largest collection ever made of the sportive effusions of genius.

INDEX.

MISCELLANEOUS.

SUBJECT. AUTHOR.

To my Empty Purse Chaucer To Chloe Peter Pindar To a Fly Peter Pindar Man may be Happy Peter Pindar Address to the Toothache Burns The Pig Southey Snuff Southey Farewell to Tobacco Lamb Written after swimming from Sestos to Abydos Byron The Lisbon Packet Byron To Fanny Moore Young Jessie Moore Rings and Seals Moore Nets and Cages Moore Salad Sydney Smith My Letters Barham The Poplar Barham Spring Hood Ode on a Distant Prospect of Clapham Academy Hood Schools and School-fellows Praed The Vicar Praed The Bachelor's Cane-bottomed Chair Thackeray Stanzas to Pale Ale Punch Children must be paid for Punch The Musquito Bryant To the Lady in the Chemisette with Black Buttons Willis Come out, Love Willis The White Chip Hat Willis You know if it was you Willis The Declaration Willis Love in a Cottage Willis To Helen in a Huff Willis The Height of the Ridiculous O. W. Holmes The Briefless Barrister J. G. Saxe Sonnet to a Clam J. G. Saxe Venus of the Needle Allingham

NARRATIVE.

Take thy Old Cloak about thee Percy Reliques King John and the Abbot Percy Reliques The Baffled Knight, or Lady's Policy Percy Reliques Truth and Falsehood Prior Flattery Williams (Sir C. H.) The Pig and Magpie Peter Pindar Advice to Young Women Peter Pindar Economy Peter Pindar The Country Lasses Peter Pindar The Pilgrims and Peas Peter Pindar On the Death of a Favorite Cat Gray The Retired Cat Cowper Saying, not Meaning Wake Julia Coleridge A Cock and Hen Story Southey The Search after Happiness Scott (Sir W.) The Donkey and his Panniers Moore Misadventure at Margate Barham The Ghost Barham A Lay of St. Gengulphus Barham Sir Rupert the Fearless Barham Look at the Clock Barham The Bagman's Dog Barham Dame Fredegonde W. Aytoun The King of Brentford's Testament Thackeray Titmarsh's Carmen Lillienses Thackeray Shadows Lantern The Retort G. P. Morris

SATIRICAL.

The Rabble, or Who Pays? S. Butler The Chameleon Prior The Merry Andrew Prior Jack and Joan Prior The Progress of Poetry Swift Twelve Articles Swift The Beast's Confession Swift A New Simile for the Ladies Sheridan (Dr. T.) On a Lap-dog Gay The Razor Seller Peter Pindar The Sailor Boy at Prayers Peter Pindar Bienseance Peter Pindar Kings and Courtiers Peter Pindar Praying for Rain Peter Pindar Apology for Kings Peter Pindar Ode to the Devil Peter Pindar The King of Spain and the Horse Peter Pindar The Tender Husband Peter Pindar The Soldier and the Virgin Mary Peter Pindar A King of France and the Fair Lady Peter Pindar The Eggs Yriarte The Ass and his Master Yriarte The Love of the World Reproved, or Hypocrisy Detected Cowper Report of an Adjudged Case Cowper Holy Willie's Prayer Burns Epitaph on Holy Willie Burns Address to the Deil Burns The Devil's Walk on Earth Southey Church and State Moore Lying Moore The Millennium Moore The Little Grand Lama Moore Eternal London Moore On Factotum Ned Moore Letters (Fudge Correspondence), First Letter Moore

Letters (Fudge Correspondence), Second Letter Moore Letters (Fudge Correspondence), Third Letter Moore The Literary Lady Sheridan (R. B.) Netley Abbey Barham Family Poetry Barham The Sunday Question Hood Ode to Rae Wilson, Esquire Hood Death's Ramble Hood The Bachelor's Dream Hood On Samuel Rogers Byron My Partner Praed The Belle of the Ball Praed Sorrows of Werther Thackeray The Yankee Volunteer Thackeray Courtship and Matrimony Thackeray Concerning Sisters-in-law Punch The Lobsters Punch To Song Birds on a Sunday Punch The First Sensible Valentine Punch A Scene on the Austrian Frontier Punch Ode to the Great Sea Serpent Punch The Feast of Vegetables and the Flow of Water Punch Kindred Quacks Punch The Railway Traveler's Farewell to his Family Punch A Letter and an Answer Punch Papa to his Heir Punch Selling off at the Opera-house Punch Wonders of the Victorian Age Punch To the Portrait of a Gentleman Holmes My Aunt Holmes Comic Miseries Saxe Idees Napoleoniennes Aytoun The Lay of the Lover's Friend Aytoun

PARODIES AND BURLESQUES

Wine Gay Ode on Science Swift A Love Song Swift Baucis and Philemon Swift A Description of a City Shower Swift The Progress of Curiosity Pindar The Author and the Statesman Fielding The Friend of Humanity and the Knife-Grinder Anti-Jacobin Inscription Anti-Jacobin Song Canning The Amatory Sonnets of Abel Shufflebottom Southey 1. Delia at Play 2. The Poet proves the existence of a Soul from his Love for Delia 3. The Poet expresses his feelings respecting a Portrait in Delia's Parlor The Love Elegies of Abel Shufflebottom Southey 1. The Poet relates how he obtained Delia's Pocket-handkerchief 2. The Poet expatiates on the Beauty of Delia's Hair 3. The Poet relates how he stole a lock of Delia's Hair, and her anger The Baby's Debut James Smith Playhouse Musings James Smith A Tale of Drury Lane Horace Smith Drury's Dirge Horace Smith What is Life? Blackwood The Confession Blackwood The Milling Match between Entellus and Darcs Moore Not a Sous had he Got Barham Raising the Devil Barham The London University Barham Domestic Poems Hood 1. Good-night 2. A Parental Ode to my Son 3. A Serenade

Ode to Perry Hood A Theatrical Curiosity Cruikshank's Om The Secret Sorrow Punch Song for Punch-drinkers Punch The Song of the Humbugged Husband Punch Temperance Song Punch Lines Punch Madness Punch The Bandit's Fate Punch Lines written after a Battle Punch The Phrenologist to his Mistress Punch The Chemist to his Love Punch A Ballad of Bedlam Punch Stanzas to an Egg Punch A Fragment Punch Eating Soup Punch The Sick Child Punch The Imaginative Crisis Punch Lines to Bessy Punch Monody on the Death of an Only Client Punch Love on the Ocean Punch "Oh! wilt thou Sew my Buttons on? etc." Punch The Paid Bill. Punch Parody for a Reformed Parliament Punch The Waiter Punch The Last Appendix to Yankee Doodle Punch Lines for Music Punch Drama for Every Day Life Punch Proclivior Punch Jones at the Barber's Shop Punch The Sated One Punch Sapphics of the Cab-stand Punch Justice to Scotland Punch The Poetical Cookery-book. Punch The Steak Roasted Sucking Pig Beignet de Pomme Cherry Pie Deviled Biscuit Red Herrings Irish Stew Barley Broth Calf's Heart The Christmas Pudding Apple Pie Lobster Salad

Stewed Steak Green Pea Soup Trifle Mutton Chops Barley Water Boiled Chicken Stewed Duck and Peas Curry The Railway Gilpin Punch Elegy Punch The Boa and the Blanket Punch The Dilly and the D's Punch A Book in a Bustle Punch Stanzas for the Sentimental. Punch 1. On a Tear which Angelina observed trickling down my nose at Dinner-time 2. On my refusing Angelina a kiss under the Mistletoe 3. On my finding Angelina stop suddenly in a rapid after-supper-polka at Mrs. Tompkins' Ball Soliloquy on a Cab-stand Punch The Song of Hiawatha Punch Comfort in Affliction Aytoun The Husband's Petition Aytoun The Biter Bit Aytoun A Midnight Meditation Aytoun The Dirge of the Drinker Aytoun Francesca da Rimini Aytoun Louis Napoleon's Address to his Army Aytoun The Battle of the Boulevard Aytoun Puffs Poetical. Aytoun 1. Paris and Helen 2. Tarquin and the Augur Reflections of a Proud Pedestrian Holmes Evening, by a Tailor Holmes Phaethon Saxe The School-house Lowell

EPIGRAMMATIC.

Epigrams of Ben Jonson. To Fine Grand " Brainhardy " Doctor Empiric " Sir Samuel Fuller On Banks, the Usurer " Chevril the Lawyer Epigrammatic Verses by Samuel Butler Opinion Critics Hypocrisy Polish The Godly Piety Poets Puffing Politicians Fear The Law " " " " Confession Smatterers Bad Writers The Opinionative Language of the Learned Good Writing Courtiers Inventions Logicians Laborious Writers On a Club of Sots Holland Women Epigrams of Edmund Waller On a Painted Lady On the Marriage of the Dwarfs Epigrams of Matthew Prior A Simile The Flies Phillis's Age To the Duke de Noailles On Bishop Atterbury Forma Bonum Fragile Earning a Dinner Bibo and Charon The Pedant Epigrams of Joseph Addison The Countess of Manchester To an Ill-favored Lady To a Capricious Friend To a Rogue Epigrams of Alexander Pope On Mrs. Tofts To a Blockhead The Fool and the Poet Epigrams of Dean Swift On Burning a Dull Poem To a Lady The Cudgeled Husband On seeing Verses written upon Windows at Inns On seeing the Busts of Newton, Looke, etc. On the Church's Danger On one Delacourt, etc. On a Usurer

To Mrs. Biddy Floyd The Reverse The Place of the Damned The Day of Judgment Paulus the Lawyer Lindsay Epigrams by Thomas Sheridan. On a Caricature On Dean Swift's Proposed Hospital, etc., To a Dublin Publisher Which is Which Byron On some Lines of Lopez de Vega Dr. Johnson On a Full-length Portrait of Beau Nash, etc., Chesterfield On Scotland Cleveland Epigrams of Peter Pindar Edmund Burke's Attack on Warren Hastings On an Artist On the Conclusion of his Odes The Lex Talionis upon Benjamin West Barry's Attack upon Sir Joshua Reynolds On the Death of Mr. Hone On George the Third's Patronage of Benjamin West Another on the Same Epitaph on Peter Staggs Tray's Epitaph On a Stone thrown at a very great Man, etc. A Consolatory StanzaEpigrams by Robert Burns. The Poet's Choice On a celebrated Ruling Elder On John Dove On Andrew Turner On a Scotch Coxcomb On Grizzel Grim On a Wag in Mauchline Epitaph on W—- On a Suicide Epigrams from the German of Lessing. Niger A Nice Point True Nobility To a Liar Mendax The Bad Wife The Dead Miser The Bad Orator The Wise Child Specimen of the Laconic

Cupid and Mercury Fritz On Dorilis To a Slow Walker, etc. On Two Beautiful One-eyed Sisters The Per Contra, or Matrimonial Balance Epigrams of S. T. Coleridge. An Expectoration Expectoration the Second To a Lady Avaro Beelzebub and Job Sentimental An Eternal Poem Bad Poets To Mr. Alexandre, the Ventriloquist Scott The Swallows R. B. Sheridan French and English Erskine Epigrams by Thomas Moore. To Sir Hudson Lowe Dialogue To Miss —- To —- On being Obliged to Leave a Pleasant Party, etc. What my Thought's like? From the French A Joke Versified The Surprise On —- On a Squinting Poetess On a Tuft-hunter The Kiss Epitaph on Southey Written in a Young Lady's Common-place Book The Rabbinical Origin of Women Anacreontique On Butler's Monument Wesley On the Disappointment of the Whig Associates of the Prince Regent, etc Lamb To Professor Airey Sydney Smith On Lord Dudley and Ward Rogers Epigrams of Lord Byron. To the Author of a Sonnet, etc. Windsor Poetics On a Carrier, etc. Epigrams of R. H. Barham. On the Windows of King's College, etc. New-made Honor Eheu Fugaces Anonymous Epigrams.

On a Pale Lady, etc. Upon Pope's Translation of Homer Recipe for a Modern Bonnet My Wife and I On Two Gentlemen, etc. Wellington's Nose The Smoker An Essay on the Understanding To a Living Author Epigrams by Thomas Hood. On the Art Unions The Superiority of Machinery Epigrams by W. Savage Landor. On Observing a Vulgar Name on the Plinth of a Statue Lying in State Epigrams from Punch. The Cause Irish Particular One Good Turn deserves Another Sticky The Poet Foiled Black and White Inquest—not Extraordinary Domestic Economy On Seeing an Execution A Voice, and Nothing Else The Amende Honorable The Czar Bas-Bleu To a Rich Young Widow The Railway of Life A Conjugal Conundrum Numbers Altered Grammar for the Court of Berlin The Empty Bottle Aytoun The Death of Doctor Morrison Bentley's Miscellany Epigrams by John G. Saxe. On a Recent Classic Controversy Another On an ill-read Lawyer On an Ugly Person Sitting for a Daguerreotype Woman's Will Family Quarrels A Revolutionary Hero Lowell Epigrams of Halpin. The Last Resort Feminine Arithmetic The Mushroom Hunt Jupiter Amans London Leader

The Orator's Epitaph Lord Brougham

ECCENTRIC AND NONDESCRIPT.

The Jovial Priest's Confession Leigh Hunt Tonis ad Resto Mare Anonymous Die Dean Swift Moll Dean Swift To My Mistress Dean Swift A Love Song Dean Swift A Gentle Echo on Woman Dean Swift To my Nose Anonymous Roger and Dolly Blackwood The Irishman Blackwood A Catalectic Monody Cruikshank's Om. A New Song Gay Reminiscences of a Sentimentalist Hood Faithless Nelly Gray Hood No! Hood Jacob Omnium's Hoss Thackeray The Wofle New Ballad of Jane Roney and Mary Brown Thackeray The Ballad of Eliza Davis Thackeray Lines on a Late Hospicious Ewent Thackeray The Lamentable Ballad of the Foundling of Shoreditch Thackeray The Crystal Palace Thackeray The Speculators Thackeray A Letter from Mr. Hosea Biglow, etc. Lowell A Letter from a Candidate for the Presidency Lowell The Candidate's Creed Lowell The Courtin' Lowell A Song for a Catarrh Punch Epitaph on a Candle Punch Poetry on an Improved Principle Punch On a Rejected Nosegay Punch A Serenade Punch Railroad Nursery Rhyme Punch An Invitation to the Zoological Gardens Punch To the Leading Periodical Punch The People and their Palace Punch

A Swell's Homage to Mrs. Stowe Punch The Exclusive's Broken Idol Punch The Last Kick of Fop's Alley Punch The Mad Cabman's Song of Sixpence Punch Alarming Prospect Punch Epitaph on a Locomotive Punch The Ticket of Leave Punch A Polka Lyric Barclay Phillips A Sunnit to the Big Ox Anonymous

ENIGMATIC.

Riddles by Matthew Prior. Two Riddles Enigma Another Riddles by Dean Swift and his friends. A Maypole On the Moon On Ink On a Circle On a Pen A Fan On a Cannon On the Five Senses On Snow On a Candle On a Corkscrew On the Same An Echo On the Vowels On a Pair of Dice On a Shadow in a Glass On Time

LIST OF SOURCES

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.

JAMES PARTON BRYANT BURNS LAMB BYRON POPE CHAUCER WILLIS HOLMES LOWELL LANDOR THACKERAY

MISCELLANEOUS.

TO MY EMPTY PURSE. CHAUCER.

To you, my purse, and to none other wight, Complain I, for ye be my lady dere; I am sorry now that ye be light, For, certes, ye now make me heavy chere; Me were as lefe be laid upon a bere, For which unto your mercy thus I crie, Be heavy againe, or els mote I die.

Now vouchsafe this day or it be night, That I of you the blissful sowne may here, Or see your color like the sunne bright, That of yellowness had never pere; Ye are my life, ye be my hertes stere, Queen of comfort and of good companie, Be heavy again, or else mote I die.

Now purse, thou art to me my lives light, And saviour, as downe in this world here, Out of this towne helpe me by your might, Sith that you will not be my treasure, For I am slave as nere as any frere, But I pray unto your curtesie, Be heavy again, or els mote I die.

TO CHLOE.

AN APOLOGY FOR GOING INTO THE COUNTRY. PETER PINDAR.

Chloe, we must not always be in heaven, For ever toying, ogling, kissing, billing; The joys for which I thousands would have given, Will presently be scarcely worth a shilling.

Thy neck is fairer than the Alpine snows, And, sweetly swelling, beats the down of doves; Thy cheek of health, a rival to the rose; Thy pouting lips, the throne of all the loves; Yet, though thus beautiful beyond expression, That beauty fadeth by too much possession.

Economy in love is peace to nature, Much like economy in worldly matter; We should be prudent, never live too fast; Profusion will not, can not, always last.

Lovers are really spendthrifts—'tis a shame— Nothing their thoughtless, wild career can tame, Till penury stares them in the face; And when they find an empty purse, Grown calmer, wiser, how the fault they curse, And, limping, look with such a sneaking grace! Job's war-horse fierce, his neck with thunder hung, Sunk to an humble hack that carries dung.

Smell to the queen of flowers, the fragrant rose— Smell twenty times—and then, my dear, thy nose Will tell thee (not so much for scent athirst) The twentieth drank less flavor than the FIRST.

Love, doubtless, is the sweetest of all fellows; Yet often should the little god retire— Absence, dear Chloe, is a pair of bellows, That keeps alive the sacred fire.

TO A FLY,

TAKEN OUT OF A BOWL OF PUNCH. PETER PINDAR.

Ah! poor intoxicated little knave, Now senseless, floating on the fragrant wave; Why not content the cakes alone to munch? Dearly thou pay'st for buzzing round the bowl; Lost to the world, thou busy sweet-lipped soul— Thus Death, as well as Pleasure, dwells with Punch.

Now let me take thee out, and moralize— Thus 'tis with mortals, as it is with flies, Forever hankering after Pleasure's cup: Though Fate, with all his legions, be at hand, The beasts, the draught of Circe can't withstand, But in goes every nose—they must, will sup.

Mad are the passions, as a colt untamed! When Prudence mounts their backs to ride them mild, They fling, they snort, they foam, they rise inflamed, Insisting on their own sole will so wild.

Gadsbud! my buzzing friend, thou art not dead; The Fates, so kind, have not yet snapped thy thread; By heavens, thou mov'st a leg, and now its brother. And kicking, lo, again, thou mov'st another!