the HUMOUROUS STORY of FARMER BUMPKIN’S LAWSUIT:

by RICHARD HARRIS,

barrister-at-law, author of “hints on advocacy,” etc., etc.

SECOND EDITION.

LONDON: STEVENS AND SONS, 119, CHANCERY LANE, Law Publishers and Booksellers. 1883.

p. ivlondon: bradbury, agnew, & co., printers, whitefriars.

p. vPREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION.

Considering the enormous interest which the Public have in “a more efficient and speedy administration of justice,” I am not surprised that a Second Edition of “Mr. Bumpkin’s Lawsuit” should be called for so soon after the publication of the first. If any proof were wanting that I had not overstated the evils attendant on the present system, it would be found in the case of Smitherman v. The South Eastern Railway Company, which came before the House of Lords recently; and judgment in which was delivered on the 16th of July, 1883. The facts of the case were extremely simple, and were as follow:—A man of the name of Smitherman was killed on a level crossing of p. vithe South Eastern Railway Company at East Farleigh, in December, 1878. His widow, on behalf of herself and four children, brought an action against the Company on the ground of negligence on the part of the defendants. The case in due course was tried at the Maidstone Assizes, and the plaintiff obtained a verdict for £400 for herself and £125 for each of the children. A rule for a new trial was granted by

the Divisional Court: the rule for the new trial was discharged by the Court of Appeal. The Lords reversed the decision of the Court of Appeal, and ordered a new trial. New trial took place at Guildhall, City of London, before Mr. Baron Pollock; jury again found for the plaintiff, with £700 agreed damages: Company thereby saving £200. Once more rule for new trial granted by Divisional Court: once more rule discharged by Court of Appeal: once more House of Lords reverse decision of Court of Appeal, and order second new trial. So p. viithat after more than four years of harassing litigation, this poor widow and her children are left in the same position that they were in immediately after the accident—except that they are so much the worse as being liable for an amount of costs which need not be calculated. The case was tried by competent judges and special juries; and yet, by the subtleties of the doctrine of contributory negligence, questions of such extreme nicety are raised that a third jury are required to give an opinion upon the same state

of facts upon which two juries have already decided in favour of the plaintiff and her children.

Such is the power placed by our complicated, bewildering, and inartistic mode of procedure, in the hands of a rich Company.

No one can call in question the wisdom or the learning of the House of Lords: it is above criticism, and beyond censure; but the p. viiiHouse of Lords itself works upon the basis of our system of Procedure, and as that is neither beyond criticism nor censure, I unhesitatingly ask, Can Old Fogeyism and Pettifoggism further go?

RICHARD HARRIS.

Lamb Building, Temple, October, 1883.

p. ixPREFACE TO THE FIRST EDITION.

When Old Fogeyism is being lowered to his last resting place, Pettifoggism, being his chief mourner, will be so overwhelmed with grief that he will tumble into the same grave. How then to hasten the demise of this venerable Humbug is the question. Some are for letting him die a natural death, others for reducing him gradually by a system of slow starvation: for myself, I confess, I am for knocking him on the head at once. Until this event, so long wished for by all the friends of Enlightenment and Progress, shall have happened, there will be no possibility of a Reform which will lessen the needless expense and shorten the unjustifiable delay which our present system of legal procedure occasions; a system which gives to the rich immeasurable p. xadvantages over poor litigants; and amounts in many cases not only to a perversion of justice but to a denial of it altogether.

Old Fogeyism only tinkers at reform, and is so nervous and incompetent that in attempting to mend one hole he almost invariably makes two. The Public, doubtless, will, before long, undertake the much needed reform and abolish some of the unnecessary business of “judges’ chambers,” where the ingenuity of the Pettifogging Pleader is so marvellously displayed. How many righteous claims are smothered in their infancy at this stage of their existence!

I have endeavoured to bring the evils of our system before the Public in the story of Mr. Bumpkin. The solicitors, equally with their clients, as a body, would welcome a change which would enable actions to be carried to a legitimate conclusion instead of being stifled by the “Priggs” and “Locusts” who will crawl into an honorable profession. It is impossible to keep them out, but it is not impossible to prevent their using the profession to the injury of their clients. All respectable solicitors would p. xibe glad to see the powers of these unscrupulous gentlemen curtailed.

The verses at the end of the story have been so often favourably received at the Circuit Mess, that I thought an amplified version of them in prose would not be unacceptable to the general reader, and might ultimately awaken in the public mind a desire for the long-needed reform of our legal procedure.

RICHARD HARRIS.

Lamb Building, Temple, July, 1883.

p. xiiiADVERTISEMENT.

On the 4th of December, 1882, Our Gracious Queen, on the occasion of the opening of the Royal Courts of Justice, said:—

“I trust that the uniting together in one place of the various branches of Judicature in this my Supreme Court, will conduce to the more efficient and speedy administration of justice to my subjects.”

On April 20th, 1883, in the House of Commons, Mr. H. H. Fowler asked the Attorney-General whether he was aware of the large number of causes waiting for trial in the Chancery Division of the High Court, and in the Court of Appeal; and whether the Government proposed to take any steps to remedy the delay and increased cost occasioned to the suitors by the present administration of the Judicature Acts.

The Attorney-General said the number of cases of all descriptions then waiting for trial in the Chancery Division was 848, and in the Court of Appeal 270. The House would be aware that a committee of Judges had been engaged for some time in framing rules in the p. xivhope of getting rid of some of the delay that now existed in the hearing of cases; and until those rules were prepared, which would be shortly, the Government were not desirous of interfering with a matter over which the Judges had jurisdiction. The Government were now considering the introduction of a short Judicature Act for the purpose of lessening the delay.—Morning Post.

[No rules or short Judicature Act at present!] [0a]

On the 13th April, 1883, Mr. Glasse, Q.C., thus referred to a statement made by Mr. Justice Pearson of the Chancery Division: “The citizens of this great country, of which your Lordship is one of the representatives, will look at the statement you have made with respectful amazement.” The statement appears to p. xvhave been, that his Lordship had intended to continue the business of the Court in exactly the same way in which it had been conducted by Mr. Justice Fry; but he had been informed that he would have to take the interlocutory business of Mr. Justice Kay’s Court whilst his Lordship was on Circuit; and, as it was requisite that he should take his own interlocutory business before the causes set down for hearing, “all the Causes in the two Courts must go to the wall”!!! His Lordship added, that it would be necessary for him to rise at 3 o’clock every day (not at 3 o’clock in the morning, gentle reader), because he understood he should have to conduct the business of Mr. Justice Kay’s Chambers as well as his own.—Morning Post.

On the 16th April, 1883, Mr. Justice Day, in charging the Grand Jury at the Manchester Spring Assizes, expressed his disagreement with the opinion of the other Judges in favour of the Commission being so altered that the Judge would have to “deliver all the prisoners detained in gaol,” and regarded it as “a waste of the Judge’s time that he should have to try a case in which a woman was indicted for stealing a shawl worth 3s. 9d.; or a prisoner charged with stealing two mutton pies and two ounces of bacon.”—Evening Standard.

p. xviiCONTENTS.

CHAPTER I.

Shows the Beauty of a Farm Yard on a Sabbath-Day, and what a difference a single letter will sometimes make in the legal signification of a Sentence

1

CHAPTER II.

The Simplicity and Enjoyments of a Country life depicted

11

CHAPTER III.

Showing how true it is that it takes at least Two to make a Bargain or a Quarrel

17

CHAPTER IV.

On the extreme Simplicity of Going to Law

27

CHAPTER V.

In which it appears that the Sting of Slander is not always in the Head

35

CHAPTER VI.

Showing how the greatest Wisdom of Parliament may be thrown away on Ungrateful People

45

CHAPTER VII.

Showing that Appropriateness of Time and Place should be studied in our Pastimes

55

p. xviiiCHAPTER VIII.

The Pleasure of a Country Drive on a Summer Evening described as enhanced by a Pious Mind

63

CHAPTER IX.

A Farm-house Winter Fire-side—A morning Drive and a mutual interchange of Ideas between Town and Country, showing how we may all learn something from one another

71

CHAPTER X.

The last Night before the first London Expedition, which gives occasion to recall pleasant reminiscences

87

CHAPTER XI.

Commencement of London Life and Adventures

97

CHAPTER XII.

How the great Don O’Rapley became an Usher of the Court of Queen’s Bench, and explained the Ingenious Invention of the Round Square—How Mr. Bumpkin took the water and studied Character from a Penny Steamboat

105

CHAPTER XIII.

An interesting Gentleman—showing how true it is that one half the World does not know how the other half lives

111

CHAPTER XIV.

The Old Bailey—Advantages of the New System illustrated

119

CHAPTER XV.

Mr. Bumpkin’s Experience of London Life enlarged

133

p. xixCHAPTER XVI.

The coarse mode of Procedure in Ahab versus Naboth ruthlessly exposed and carefully contrasted with the humane and enlightened form of the Present Day

143

CHAPTER XVII.

Showing that Lay Tribunals are not exactly Punch and Judy Shows where the Puppet is moved by the Man underneath

151

CHAPTER XVIII.

A comfortable Evening at the “Goose”

165

CHAPTER XIX.

The Subject continued

175

CHAPTER XX.

Mr. Bumpkin sings a good old Song—The Sergeant becomes quite a convivial Companion and plays Dominoes

179

CHAPTER XXI.

Joe electrifies the Company and surprises the Reader

191

CHAPTER XXII.

The Sergeant makes a loyal Speech and sings a Song, both of which are well received by the Company

203

CHAPTER XXIII.

The famous Don O’Rapley and Mr. Bumpkin spend a social Evening at the “Goose”

213

p. xxCHAPTER XXIV.

Don O’Rapley expresses his views of the Policy of the Legislature in not permitting Dominoes to be played in Public-houses

221

CHAPTER XXV.

In spite of all warnings, Joe takes his own part, not to be persuaded on one side or the other—Affecting Scene between Mr. Bumpkin and his old Servant

227

CHAPTER XXVI.

Morning Reflections—Mrs. Oldtimes proves herself to be a great Philosopher—The Departure of the Recruits to be sworn in

239

CHAPTER XXVII.

A Letter from Home

245

CHAPTER XXVIII.

Mr. Bumpkin determines to maintain a discreet silence about his Case at the Old Bailey—Mr. Prigg confers with him thereon

255

CHAPTER XXIX.

The Trial at the Old Bailey of Mr. Simple Simonman for Highway Robbery with violence—Mr. Alibi introduces himself to Mr. Bumpkin

261

CHAPTER XXX.

Mr. Alibi is stricken with a Thunderbolt—Interview with Horatio and Mr. Prigg

283

CHAPTER XXXI.

Mr. Bumpkin at Home again

295

p. xxiCHAPTER XXXII.

Joe’s Return to Southwood—An Invitation from the Vicar—What the Old Oak saw

303

CHAPTER XXXIII.

A Consultation as to new Lodgings—Also a Consultation with Counsel

317

CHAPTER XXXIV.

Mr. Bumpkin receives Compliments from distinguished Persons

325

CHAPTER XXXV.

The Trial

335

CHAPTER XXXVI.

Motion for Rule Nisi, in which is displayed much Learning, Ancient and Modern

351

CHAPTER XXXVII.

Mr. Bumpkin is congratulated by his Neighbours and Friends in the Market Place and sells his Corn

359

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

Farewell

375

The Lawsuit

381

p. xxiii“He never suffered his private partiality to intrude into the conduct of publick business. Nor in appointing to employments did he permit solicitation to supply the place of merit; wisely sensible, that a proper choice of officers is almost the whole of Government.”—Burke.

p. xxivExtract from Notice of the Work in The Saturday Review, September 15th, 1883:—

“He was obviously quite as eager for a good battle in Court as ever was Dandy Dinmont.”

p. 1CHAPTER I.

The beauty of a farm yard on a Sabbath day, and what a difference a single letter will sometimes make in the legal signification of a sentence.

It was during the Long Vacation—that period which is Paradise to the Rich and Purgatory to the Poor Lawyer—to say nothing of the client, who simply exists as a necessary evil in the economy of our enlightened system of Legal Procedure: it was during this delightful or dismal period that I returned one day to my old Farm-house in Devonshire, from a long and interesting ramble. My excellent thirst and appetite having been temperately appeased, I seated myself cosily by the huge chimney, where the log was always burning; and, having lighted my pipe, surrendered my whole being to the luxurious enjoyment of so charming a situation. I had scarcely finished smoking, when I fell into a sound and delicious sleep. And behold! I dreamed a dream; and methought:

It was a beautiful Sabbath morning, in the early part of May, 18—, when two men might have been seen leaning over a pigstye. The pigstye was situated in a p. 2farm-yard in the lovely village of Yokelton, in the county of Somerset. Both men had evidently passed what is called the “prime of life,” as was manifest from their white hair, wrinkled brows, and stooping shoulders. It was obvious that they were contemplating some object with great interest and thoughtful attention.

And I perceived that in quiet and respectful conversation with them was a fine, well-formed, well-educated sow of the Chichester breed. It was plain from the number of her rings that she was a sow of great distinction, and, indeed, as I afterwards learned, was the most famous for miles around: her progeny (all of whom I suppose were honourables) were esteemed and sought by squire and farmer. How that sow was bred up to become so polite a creature, was a mystery to all; because there were gentlemen’s homesteads all around, where no such thoroughbred could be found. But I suppose it’s the same with pigs as it is with men: a well-bred gentleman may work in the fields for his living, and a cad may occupy the manor-house or the nobleman’s hall.

The Chichester sow looked up with an air of easy nonchalance into the faces of the two men who smoked their short pipes, and uttered ever and anon some short ejaculation, such as, “Hem!” “Ah!” “Zounds!” and so forth, while the sow exhibited a familiarity with her superiors only to be acquired by mixing in the best society. There was a respectful deference which, while it betrayed no sign of servility, was in pleasing contrast with the boisterous and somewhat unbecoming levity of the other inhabitants of the stye. These people were the last progeny of this illustrious Chichester, and numbered p. 3in all eleven—seven sons and four daughters—honourables all. It was impossible not to admire the high spirit of this well-descended family. That they had as yet received no education was due to the fact that their existence dated only from the 21st of January last. Hence their somewhat erratic conduct, such as jumping, running, diving into the straw, boring their heads into one another’s sides, and other unceremonious proceedings in the presence of the two gentlemen

whom it is necessary now more particularly to describe.

Mr. Thomas Bumpkin, the elder of the two, was a man of about seventy summers, as tall and stalwart a specimen of Anglo-Saxon peasantry as you could wish to behold. And while I use the word “peasantry” let it be clearly understood that I do so in no sense as expressing Mr. Bumpkin’s present condition. He had risen from the English peasantry, and was what is usually termed a “self-made man.” He was born in a little hut consisting of “wattle and dab,” and as soon as he could make himself heard was sent into the fields to “mind the birds.” Early in the November mornings, immediately after the winter sowings, he would be seen with his little bag of brown bread round his neck, trudging along with a merry whistle, as happy as if he had been going home to a bright fire and a plentiful breakfast of ham, eggs, and coffee. By degrees he had raised himself to the position of ploughman, and never ploughman drove a straighter or leveller furrow. He had won prizes at the annual ploughing and harrowing matches: and upon the strength of ten and sixpence

a week had married Nancy Tugby, to whom he had been engaged off and on for eleven years. Nancy was a frugal housewife, and worked hard, morning, noon and night. She was quite a treasure p. 4to Bumpkin; and, what with taking in a little washing, and what with going out to do a little charing, and what with Tom’s skill in mending cart-harness (nearly all the cart-harness in the neighbourhood was in a perpetual state of “mendin’”), they had managed to put together in a year or two enough money to buy a sow. This, Tom always said, was “his first start.” And mighty proud they both were as they stood together of a Sunday morning looking at this wonderful treasure. The sow soon had pigs, and the pigs got on and were sold, and then the money was expended in other things, which in their turn proved equally remunerative. Then Tom got a piece of land, and next a pet ewe-lamb, and so on, until little by little wealth accumulated, and he rented at last, after a long course of laborious years, from the Squire, a small homestead called “Southwood

Farm,” consisting of some fifty acres. Let it not be supposed that the accession of an extra head of live stock was a small matter. Everything is great or little by relation. I believe the statesman himself knows no greater pleasure when he first obtains admission to the Cabinet, than Tom did when he took possession of his little farm. And he certainly experienced as great a joy when he got a fresh pig as any young barrister does when he secures a new client.

Southwood Farm was a lovely homestead, situated near a very pretty river, and in the midst of the most picturesque scenery. The little rivulet (for it was scarcely more) twisted about in the quaintest conceivable manner, almost encircling the cosy farm; while on the further side rose abruptly from the water’s edge high embankments studded thickly with oak, ash, and an undergrowth of saplings of almost every variety. The old house was spacious for p. 5the size of the farm, and consisted of a large living-room, ceiled with massive oak beams and oak boards, which were duly whitewashed, and looked as white as the sugar on a wedding cake. The fireplace was a huge space with seats on either side cut in the wall; while from one corner rose a rude ladder leading to a bacon loft. Dog-irons of at least a century old graced the brick hearth, while the chimney-back was adorned with a huge slab of iron wrought with divers quaint designs, and supposed to have been in some way or other connected with the Roman invasion, as it had been dug up somewhere in the neighbourhood, by whom or when no