A BAWD

Is the Refuse of an Old Whore, who having been burnt herself, does like Charcoal help to set greener Wood on Fire; She is one of Natures Errata's, and a true Daughter of Eve, who having first undone herself, tempts others to the same Destruction. She has formerly been one of Sampson's Foxes, and has carried so much fire in her Tail, as has burnt all those that have had to do with her: But the mark being out of her Mouth, and she grown past her own Labour, yet being a well-wisher to the Mathematicks, she sets up for a Procurer of fresh Goods for her old Customers. And so careful she is to help Men to good Ware, that she seldom puts a Comodity into their hands, but what has been try'd before; and having always prov'd well, thinks she can Warrant 'em the better. She's a great Preserver of Maiden-heads; for tho' she Exposes 'em to every new Comer, she takes care that they shall never be lost: And tho' never so many get it, yet none carries it away, but she still has it ready for the next Customers. She thinks no Oracle like that of Fryar

Bacon's brazen-Head, and is very forward to tell you that Time Was when the best Gentlemen wou'd have prefer'd her before any Lady in the Land: But when She repeats Time's Past, She makes a Wicked Brazen Face, and even weeps in the Cup, to allay the Heat of her Brandy. She's a great Enemy to all Enclosures, for whatever she has, she makes it common. She hates Forty One as much as an old Cavalier, for at that Age she was forc'd to leave off Whoring and turn Bawd: Her Teeth are all fallen out; at which her Nose and her Chin are so much concern'd, that they intend to meet about it in a little time, and make up the difference. She's the most like a Medlar of any thing, for she's never ripe till she's rotten. She is never without store of Hackney Jades, which she will let any one Ride, that will pay for their hire. She is the very Magazine of Taciturnity; for whatever she sees, she says nothing; it being a standing Maxim with her, That they that cannot make Sport, shou'd spoil none. She has Learnt so much Philosophy as to know that the Moon is a dark-Body, which

makes her like it much better then the Sun, being more Suitable for her Business: Besides she's still changing Quarters, now Waxing and then Waining, like her: Sometimes i'th' Full, and flush'd with store of Customers; and at another time i'th' Wane, and beating Hemp in Bridewel. She has been formerly a Pretender to Musick, which makes her such a great Practitioner in Pick-Song, but She is most expert at a Horn-Pipe. She understands Means a little, but Trebles very well, and is her self a perfect Base. Tho' she lives after the Flesh, yet all is Fish that comes to her Net: For she is such a cunning Angler, that she don't fear getting her Living by Hook or by Crook. She has Baits ready for all Fish, and seldom fails to catch some: Of a Countrey-Gentleman she makes a Cods-head; and of a rich Citizens Son a Gudgeon; a Swordsman in Scarlet, she takes for Lobster; and a severe Justice of Peace, she looks on as a Crab: Her Poor Customers, are like Sprats, and Pilchards, who are more considerable for their number than they are for their Value; whilst the Punk is her

Salt Eel, and the Pander her Shark and her Swordfish. Her Charity is very great, for she Entertains all Comers, and not only finds 'em Beds, but Bed-fellows too, of that Sex which shall be most agreeable to them; Which is a Conveniency a man may go to twenty Honest-Houses and not Meet with. She brings more Wicked Wretches to Repentance than many a good Preacher; for, let 'em be as stubborn as they will, yet she'll leave them such a Twinging Remembrance in their Joynts, that their very Bones shall ake, but she'll make them repent that e'er they had to do with her. And to some Notorious Wretches, she'll fix such a visible Mark in their Faces, as shall make 'em the Derision and the Loathing of all People; and so bring 'em to Repentance with a Pox to 'em. Yet she has very little Conscience, for she makes nothing of Selling One Commodity to Twenty Customers: And for all she cheats them at that rate, she don't fear loosing their Custom. She's often broke, and as often sets up again; which She does without any great charge; for three strong

Water-Bottles, Two ounces of Tobacco, and a Couple of Countrey Wenches, is as much as will set her up at any Time. Her Breath stinks worse than a Bear-garden, her Furniture consists of a Bed, a Plaister-Box and a Looking Glass: and a Pimp to bring in Customers. She sits continually at a Rack Rent, especially if her Landlord bears office in the Parish, because he may screen her from the Cart and Bridewel. She hath only this one shew of Temperance, that let any Gentleman send for Ten Pottles of Wine in her House, he shall have but Ten Quarts; and if he want it that way, let him pay for't and take it out in Stew'd flesh. She has an Excellent Art in Transforming Persons, and can easily turn a Sempstress into a Waiting-Gentlewoman: But there is a kind of Infection that attends it, for it brings them to the falling Sickness. The Justices Clerk is her very good Friend, and often makes her Peace with the Justice of Quorum; for which when he makes her a Visit, She always help him to a fresh Bit, which She lets him have upon her Word; and assures

him she won't put a Bad Commodity into his Hand. There is nothing daunts her so much as the Approach of Shrove-Tuesday; for she's more afraid of the Mob, than a Debtor of a Serjeant, Or a Bayliff in an Inns of Court. He that hath past under her hath past the Equinoctial; and he that escapes her, has Escap'd a Rock which Thousands have been split upon to their Destruction.

Thus have I briefly represented my Bawd unto the Readers View in her own proper Colours, and set her forth in a true Light. I will therefore thus conclude her Character.

A Bawd is the chief instrument of evil,

Tempter to Sin, and Factor for the Devil

Whose sly Temptations has undone more Souls

Than there are Stars between the Worlds two Poles.

She ruines Families to advance her Treasure,

And reaps her Profit out of others Pleasure:

Pleasures attended with so black a stain,

That they at last end in Eternal Pain.

Her ways so various are, they're hard to tell,

By which she does betray poor Souls to Hell.

Smooth is her Tongue, and Subtile are her ways

And by false Pleasures to True Pain betrays.

The Bane of Virtue, and the Bawd to Vice,

Pander to Hell, is this She-Cockatrice.

She's like the Devil, seeking every hour

Whom she may first Decoy, and then Devour:

Let every thinking Mortal then beware,

And, that he comes not near her House, take care:

For She'll Betray (her fury is so fell)

Your Body to the Pox, your Soul to Hell.

CHAP. II.

Of Pimps and Panders, what they are: with a Dialogue between a Whore, a Pimp, a Pander, an old Bawd, and a Prodigal Spend-Thrift about Preheminence.

In the House of Sin; I mean in a Bawdy House, there are other Instruments of Wickedness besides Bawds and Whores: For tho' the Bawd be the Person that keeps the House, and manages all in cheif, yet there are other Necessary Hangers-on belonging thereunto; and these are called Pimps and Panders, which are indeed a Sort of He-Bawds, and Procurers of Whores for other Men; of which one who is called a Pimp, is cheifly employ'd abroad, both to bring in Customers, and to procure such Wenches as are willing to be made Whores of: And these are a sort of Persons so far degenerated below humanity that they will sometimes procure their own Wives to be Whore for other Men. As an instance whereof, not long since two Men went into a House, to drink, not thinking it to be a Bawdy-House; but as soon as the Beer was brought in, there came in a Female Creature to 'em, who quickly let 'em understand what she was, and also in what sort of House they were got. One of them took her by the Hand, and Began to grow very familiar with her; and found he might have any Kindness from

her which he had a mind to, for asking; but the other seeing him ingross the wench to himself, began to Storm, and Knock, and Call, at a strange rate; upon which the man of the House came up presently, and desir'd to know what was the matter? Why you Impudent Rascal, says he, have you but one Whore in the House, that you make me thus stand empty-handed, like a Jack-a-napes, while my Companion's trading with the other? The Pimp seeing the Man in such a Passion, Good Sir, says he be pacify'd, and I'll go down and sent up my own Wife to wait upon ye: Which he did accordingly.—Those that are called Pandars, are in a strict sense such as keep always within doors, and have the management of matters in the House. These, are they that bring the Rogues, and Whores together, and wait upon them whilst they are acting of their filthiness.

These Brethren in iniquity with the rest of the Bawdy-house Crew, were in a hot Dispute about Priority, every one striving to be chief: And what their several Arguments were, I shall next give you an Account of; and afterwards shew you more of their Pranks. The first that stood upon her Pantables, as being chief, was the Whore, and thus it was she manag'd her Cause.

Whore. That I ought to take place of the rest, is what none can without Impudence and great Injustice deny me: For 'tis I that bring in all your Livings, 'tis I that venture my Carcase, nay, that venture my Soul too; and all to get an honest livelihood. Yes Mr. Pimp, for all your sneering, I say an honest livelihood; for I cheat no body, but pay for what I have, and make use of nothing but what's my own, and that no body can hinder me from. And I think 'tis better for me, and less hazardous, to get my living by my Tail, then to turn Thief and steal from other Folks. Besides, I'll suffer nobody to have to do with me, but What I like; nor lie with any but whom I love; I make no Price with any Man; but take what they freely give; and therefore I can't properly be said to be a Whore, for Whores are they that trade for Hire and make Bargains before-hand, which I never do. And therefore seeing I maintain you all, you ought to acknowledge me to be the cheif, and give me the Preheminence; for you all live by the Blood that runs in my Veins; for

did not my Beauty invite Men, and my Embraces please 'em, you cou'dn't all of you get water to wash your hands, but wou'd be as poor as so many Church-Mice.

To this the Pimp thus replyed.

Pimp. Your run too fast, Mrs Minx, and are a little too Confident: For tho 'tis my place to attend, yet 'tis I that give a Credit and Reputation to all you do; I walk along the Streets so boldly, and so spruce, and so all-to-be-sented with sweet Powder, cocking my Beaver and looking big, that I make the greatest Gallant I meet give me the Wall, as if I were a Person of Quality; And when any comes hither they are won by my complemental and genteel Discourse; my comely presence brings in many a Guest into the House, besides particular Acquaintance: So that I may well affirm I am the Prop of the House. If I didn't introduce Gentleman into your Company, I wonder what you'd do; you might e'en sit still, and be forc'd to make use of a Dildo, before any Body would come to you if it wan't for me.

This Speech of the Pimp, stirr'd up the Fury of the Pander, who with a great deal of heat made him this Answer.

Pander. Thou prating Cockscomb of a Pimp! Do'st think that I'm an Underling to thee! No I'd have you to know I'm above thee: We'll quickly try which is the most useful. An't I intrusted with all the Gentlemens Secrets; Don't I keep the Door? Nay, been't I the Overseer of all? Sure then I must be the better Man. Besides, I suit the Wenches with such Gallants as are of their own Complexions, and are the best liking to 'em; and in all difficult Cases which happen, they still ask my advice, for giving which, I often get a double Fee. And if I stay at home, 'tis only to make an Ass of thee whilst thou'rt abroad; for where thou get'st one Shilling a Broad, I get Five at Home. If I shou'd go away, I am sure the Custom wou'd quickly drop off; for I am the Person most respected by the Customers, and therefore I think I have the best Title of you all to Preheminence.

Old Mother Damnable the Bawd having stood by all this while, and heard all their Allegations, at last broke forth into a very great Laughter; and after having given vent to her Risible Faculty, made em' this Answer.

Bawd. I can't chuse but laugh to hear the Fools prate about Preheminence: They would all fain be Masters, and yet they know they are but all my Servants; they make their Boast, of this and that, and talk of their great gains: and forget that I rule the Roast, and that both their gains and their very being here, depends upon my Pleasure: Pray Gentlemen, whose House is this? I hope you look upon the House to be mine, and I am sure I bought the Furniture. And yet you talk as if I had nothing to do here; whereas you might all have gone a Begging before now, if I had not took you into my Service. And you, Mrs. Minx because you're a little handsome, you begin to grow Proud and don't consider that if I had'nt prefer'd you to the Station you are in, you must have been a Scullion-Wench, or gone to washing and Scowring: Was'nt it I that bought you those fine Cloths, put you into the Equipage you are in? Alas you were but a meer Novice in sinning till I put you into the way, and taught you. You have forgot how bashful you were at first, and how much ado I

had to bring you to let a Gentleman take you by the Tu quoque. And now I have brought you to something, that you can get your own living, you begin to slite me.—And you Mr. Pimp. wa'n't you a pitiful Rogue, till I took you into my Service? Pray who would have regarded you in those Rags I found you in? And now I have put you into a good Garb, and made a man of you, you wou'd fain be my Master, I warrant ye! But I'll take care to hinder that; and if you don't know your self, I do. Nay, there's your Brother Pander too, is e'en as bad, and can't tell when he's well; Because I allow him the vails belonging to his Place, he fancies himself a Master too, and wou'd have all be rul'd by his advice: But I shall make you know there's two words to that Bargain. I think I shou'd know what belongs so such a House better than any of you all. I was brought up to't when I was young: and spent my young days in Love my self; but being disabled by Age and Weakness, I had that Affection for the Trade, that I entertain'd others to carry it on;

bringing 'em up to my hand with much care; and therefore surely I must needs have more experience in it than another: and if you won't acknowledge me to be the chief, and Mistress of you all, I'll make you.

The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other Boasts, there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in being a Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to put her in Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began.

Prodigal. I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there's no body deserves it but my self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You know the old Prover, Talk is but Talk, but 'tis Money buys Land; and I am sure 'twas only for Money to supply you withal, that I have sold mine. And therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou'd you all do, if I didn't help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your House, you may go Hang your selves. 'Tis I that Satisfies the Whore, and pay the Fees of both the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what'er your layings out are, your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you have neither House nor Lands to secure you; but 'tis upon my Purse, that you depend; and I am he that keeps you all alive. And since I am at all this cost, it is just that it should be acknowledged, and that you all should own me for your Master. Your own Interest speaks for me, and therefore I need say the less.

The Prodigal having made an end, they all agreed that it was best for them to hang together, since their Interest was all the same: And therefore each of them should keep their several Stations; and acknowledge the Bawd for their Mistress, and the young Spend-Thrift for their Benefactor.

CHAP. III.

How a Young Woman, by the help of an Old Bawd, Enjoy'd her Lover and Deceiv'd her Husband.

Having already given you the Character of a Bawd, and shown you her Plea for Preheminence in the Art of Wickedness, I now come to shew you by what famous Atcheivements she comes to deserve it. And when you have seen her cunning in Contriving, and her Patience in Suffering; you must readily acknowledge she is one that spares no Pains to be Superlatively Wicked.

In the West of England there lived not long since an Ancient Gentleman to whom Providence had been very propitious, in blessing him with a fair Estate, so that he wanted for no outward Accommodations that might make his Life as happy as he cou'd desire: This Gentleman, being an Old Batchelor, had more Wealth than Wisdom, and Desire to Act, than Ability to perform. For nothing would serve his turn but a Wife; and she must be a Young one too; for tho' he was an Old Man yet he had young Inclinations, and fancies himself as brisk at Three-score and Ten, as when he was but Thirty: You may easiely imagine a Man of his Estate cou'd not be long without several Offers when his mind was known: For Wealth has so many Charms in it, that it often blinds the Eyes of Parents, and makes them mistake their true Interest, with respect to the Disposal of their Children; which consists not so much in being married to Rich Husbands, as to those that are suitable for them. The Beautiful young Daughter of a Decay'd Gentleman was offer'd to this Old Letcher, who

being sensible that he could not expect a handsome young Wife with a great Fortune, readily acceps of this, who wanted no Accomplishments to render her a Bride worthy of a better Husband, or at least one more suitable: The young Gentlewoman, was not half so fond of the match as her Parents, who perswaded her to it; and as an Encouragement told her that her old Husband could not live long and when he dy'd, she wou'd have the Advantage of a good Estate to get her a better Husband; and tho she had but few Suitors now, for want of a Portion answerable to her Birth and Beauty, yet when the Case was so alter'd, she cou'd not be long without very advantagious offers: These Reasons prevail'd with the young Gentlewoman to accept of the Old Cuff for a Husband; and they were married accordingly.

But as I have already said, the Old Gentleman had more Desire than Ability; and the young Lady was fain to accept of his good Wishes instead of that due Benevolence which she had reason to expect from a Husband; the want of which made her too soon repent of what she found was now too late to help.

There unhappily happen'd to be not far from their House an Old Bawd that had been us'd to lend her Charitable Assistance to distressed Ladies in such Cases; who having observ'd the late Languishing of the young Lady, rightly judged it proceeded from the Disappointment she met with from her Old Husband; this Embolden'd the old Bawd to take a convenient time to make her a Visit; and by such subtile Discourses as she us'd she soon found out the true Cause of the young Gentlewoman's Discontent; upon which the Bawd discourses her in this manner:

Madam