DEDICATION TO THE SUBALTERNS OF THE BRITISH ARMY

I shall, I trust, be acquitted of any servile view, when, in dedicating this humble Essay to the Subalterns of the British Army, I adopt the only means in my power of shewing how much I honour and admire them.

LIST OF THE PLATES

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THE MILITARY ADVENTURES OF JOHNNY NEWCOME

END OF PART I

Johnny Newcome going to lay in Stock.

Getting into his Billet.

FOOTNOTES

1 This species of partial puffing is carried too far. It reminds me of something of a similar tendency, that panegerized a young Count who was killed by a Broad-Wheeled Waggon.

2 The intention of government was no doubt to consult as much as possible the convenience of the Officers; but, the arrangement was, and is, shameful, respecting their treatment when embarked and on board Transports. In the first instance, hurried to get on Board, they immediately find they have nothing to expect but a hard berth, the use of the Cabin, and Rations; no utensils to cook with, or to use; no person to cook for them; in short, all must depend on their individual exertion. Conceive a young Lad, without a servant, and with a scanty purse, thus situated, expecting a voyage of a month or six weeks’ continuance!

3 With respect to the Officers at Lisbon, who were there either on duty, or leave, or otherwise, the variety of their dress became at length so ridiculous that Major-General Peacock was obliged to issue a severe Order, restricting them to the use of the Regimental Great Coat, and Hat, or Cap.

Lord Wellington, in consequence of the heat of the weather, indulged the Officers in wearing loose Great Coats; but this was soon followed up with waistcoats of all sorts, and colours, with filagree gold, or silver buttons, and what were called Forage Caps, of all fancies and shapes. They only wanted the appendage of Bells.

4 All Officers under the rank of Field-Officer, on landing at Lisbon, were ordered to report themselves at the Town-Major’s Office, and were from thence sent to the Belem Depôt, to be disposed of by the Commandant there.

5 ‘No intende,’ in Portuguese, signifies ‘don’t understand.’

6 The Barracks at Belem were assigned as a general receptacle for Detachments coming from England, and all recovered Men. Captain Brown, of the 23rd Regiment (than whom no Officer could have managed the duties of Commandant more properly, reputably, and honourably), made the arrangements for the march of Parties to join the Army, apportioned the number of Officers; and gave them orders, and directions for their conduct. Sometimes he permitted Officers to proceed alone to join their Regiments, but generally they were attached to Parties.

One general Rout to the Army was established, and the distances so divided, and Depôts formed, that the parties could be provisioned every three or four Days; a Commandant, and Adjutant, with requisite non-commissioned officers, being established at each Depôt, together with a Commissariat and an Hospital; and though last, not, unfortunately, the least necessary, a Provost-Marshal.

7 At the commencement of the Campaign on the Peninsula, the Portuguese certainly treated the British Officers in the most generous manner,—voluntarily and hospitably received them into their Houses, and externally carried their liberality to great excess; giving up their most elegant Apartments, supplying them with a proportion of Plate, Linen, Fuel, and Wax Candles; but it is with regret that I am obliged to state that this indulgence and hospitality was, in many instances, scandalously abused, and the most ungentlemanlike, ungrateful, indecent, and ungenerous returns were often made. What was the consequence? So many complaints were made against the Officers for abusing their Billets, that a General Order was issued, stating the number of rooms each rank was entitled to, and restricting the quantum of Furniture to one Table, one Chair, and one Lamp, and an allowance of Oil for each Apartment, with the use of a Kitchen. The consequence follows, that whatever inconvenience, mortification, rudeness, or inhospitable

treatment Officers have since experienced, results from the misconduct (I hope only comparatively) of a few. Circumstances in the outset may have imposed a sentiment on the Natives, perhaps rather foreign to their disposition; but the change of circumstances, and the conduct of our Officers, seem to have left a disposition in the Portuguese to treat us roughly, and to get rid of us altogether.

8 The opening of the Odoriferous Sluices generally commences about 9 o’clock P.M. and continues, without intermission, for about two hours, and woe to those unfortunates whose business, or pleasure, leads them forth during this display of Portuguese cleanliness!

There are certain regulations respecting this filthy outrage, such as requiring those people to call out three times, by way of warning the Foot-passenger of his danger, and the offenders are likewise liable to be called to some sort of reckoning; but the Laws, and the administration of the Laws, are altogether so defective, that it is very difficult to get redress, in cases in which robbery, or even murder, have been committed. Nay, I this moment see a Villain at large, who, without receiving any offence, but what he chose to consider one, on a young Officer’s looking at a Girl, actually followed him, and struck him from behind with a stick so heavily as to brake his arm. The fellow was taken up, and evidences produced, proving the fact: but he is protected by his master (a fidalgo, i.e. a gentleman), and at this moment insolently stares a British officer in the face.

9 It was customary for the British Officers who came to Lisbon for the purpose of joining the army, to provide themselves with a Mule or two, to carry their baggage. The only convenient opportunity to make this purchase was at a sort of fair, held every Tuesday in the lower part of the town. There, Horses, Mules, and Donkies were bought and sold; and, as in all Markets, the price chiefly depended on the demand. The Portuguese Horse-dealer has all the avidity of an English jockey to pick your pocket, but they are not so au fait at the business. At this Fair, you buy or sell your Animal. The bargain is struck, the Money paid, and the contract is indissoluble.

English Guineas, at that time, had no attraction. The Dollar, or Moidore, was the medium; but since the Guineas have been introduced in payment of the Army, the Portuguese seem to appreciate their value.

It was customary for Officers who wanted Cash to give their Draft on some House in London, &c. &c.; but it was purchasing Money very expensively, giving at the rate of six Shillings and Sixpence for a Dollar that would bring only five Shillings; thus losing eighteen-pence on every five Shillings.

10 The Portuguese greeting each other, embrace; a practice certainly strange to a Briton, and recollecting the effluvia of garlic, is horribly offensive.

11 Messrs. Smith and Co. opened a Warehouse of English goods, where an Officer might suit himself (paying rather dearly) with every article of wearing apparel, and furniture for the animals, &c.

12 The scarcity of forage rendered it necessary to curtail the quantity of animals allowed for the use of the army. This fell somewhat hard on Subaltern Officers, who were obliged so to contract their baggage as to deprive themselves of many articles actually necessary to their convenience. That something to wear—something to sleep on—something to eat—and something to cook with—were really necessary for existence; and only one miserable animal was allowed to carry what was so essential for two Subaltern Officers; but it was unfortunately the case.

13 Senhor Cavigole, as well as many others, Misters and Senhors, kept shops replete with stores of all sorts, which they sold at a very high price, but with which officers knew they must be supplied; for the hungry French had deprived the Portuguese of that little they possessed; and it did happen, and not unfrequently, that divisions had been so scantily supplied with rations, that even a private soldier has been known to give a Dollar for one biscuit, and glad to satisfy his hunger at that enormous rate.

14 The Juis de Fero is the Magistrate. The soldiers contracted the appellation to Jewish.

15 The Subaltern Officers, in the Portuguese service, were taken from very humble situations, and of course are not treated by their countrymen with the distinction and respect which British Officers claim; consequently, where Quarters or Billets are disposed according to rank, the Portuguese Alfares, or Ensigns, are thrust into any wretched hovel, and, from the ignorance of the country magistrates, the British Subaltern Officers were not unfrequently treated with as little ceremony: many of them were billeted in the most wretched, filthy, miserable dwellings, which among a race of people so excessively nasty in themselves, rendered the officers particularly uncomfortable.

16 Immediately in the vicinity of Lisbon, a person may contrive at the inns, or rather wine houses, to be somewhat better accommodated than at a Subaltern’s billet.

17 No disrespect is intended, but until one can ‘make a Silk Purse of a Sow’s ear,’ we must be content to submit to the ‘insolence of Office.’

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Taking his Breakfast.

Introduced to his Colonel.

Smells powder for the first time.

Johnny writes an account of the Action to his Mother, which afterwards appears in the Star.

Half Rations.

Learning to Smoke and drink Grog.

Poor Johnny on the sick List.

Going Sick to the Rear.

Johnny safe returned to his Mama.

END OF PART II

FOOTNOTES

18 It was shocking to behold the number of dead bodies (chiefly of the French Army) with which the Highway was crowded.—They were in a horribly disgusting state of Nudity, and half devoured by Wolves, and Birds. The Armies had no time to bury the Dead, and the Inhabitants were either too indolent, or for some other reason neglected to do it. But to such a state of Barbarism had the natives of Portugal and Spain attained, that Boys and Girls have been seen throwing human heads at each other, by way of amusement; and a little Urchin, ten years old, Servant to an Officer, was heard frequently to boast, after the Battle of Salamanca, of having stolen slily on the wounded Frenchmen, struck them on the head with a Stone, in order, if possible, to kill, for the purpose of plundering them.

19 The Army, not having tents, were obliged to lay out exposed to the Weather.

20 In consequence of the difficulty of transporting Baggage, and from other causes, a Regiment on active Service in the Peninsula, could not keep up a regular Mess, as in England. Each Officer was obliged to manage for himself. They were generally divided in mess-parties of twos and threes. This greatly incommoded the Subaltern Officer: allowed only the carriage of half an Animal, it was not possible to admit, for the purpose of having eatables, any addition to his share of Baggage. The mere Ration was all that could be carried, with a Camp-kettle for culinary purposes. Besides, we must recollect the difficulty of obtaining extra articles, and also the want of Money: so that the bit of Beef, and the portion of Biscuit, was the general fare for at least two-thirds of the Officers, with a small allowance of Ration, Rum, and Wine (generally execrable stuff): the prime luxury was a drop of Brandy and a Segar.

With respect to the article of dress, the contents of a very small Portmanteau was all that could be taken, and, if an Officer wore out, or lost his Regimental Jacket, his great Coat was the substitute. As for waistcoats, they were as fancy directed, but generally black, blue, or green, of either silk or velvet.

An enormous pair of Mustachios and Whiskers were frequently seen to protrude from the delicate countenances of some of our Bond Street Beaux.

21 For the purpose of getting Liquor, the invincible British Soldier will commit every species of depredation: he will rob a House, plunder a Church, steal from his Comrade, and strip his own Officer in the midst of death and slaughter. Instances are known, and too frequently have they occurred, of Scoundrels having, under pretence of aiding a wounded Officer, rifled and stripped him of his apparel; and all this was effected before death had sealed his doom—before his gallant spirit, that through Life had led them to victory, or protected them in Retreat, had quitted its earthly Mansion!

22 In the Portuguese language various meanings are attached to the same term. For instance, ‘Viva’ is generally intended for, ‘How do you do?’ ‘God bless you.’—‘Rompi’ is used ‘to beat, to tear, to scratch, to plunder.’—‘Patron’ is ‘the father of a family, the husband, the master.’—‘Sparum,’ ‘stop, be quiet, be easy, have done.’—‘Poke,’ from ‘poco,’ ‘a little, directly, quietly.’

The Portuguese driver perfectly resembles the English wagoner; except that the one is obstinate from stupidity, the other from insolence.

23 It is a general observation, ‘that One Campaign at St. James’s is more efficacious in the attainment of promotion than half-a-dozen Campaigns in active service.’ Military observers can easily appreciate the justice of that remark.

The fact is, that had his Royal Highness, the Commander-in-Chief, the uncontrolled power in the guidance of the Army, Interest and Wealth would give place to Justice, Merit, and Desert.

I shall take the liberty to relate an anecdote which is of so recent a date, that a reference may be had to it without difficulty. Attached to Lord Wellington’s dispatches, relative to the victory of Vittoria, it pleased the higher powers to subjoin the names of certain Officers, with the promotion honourably granted to them, of course, and in consonance with the recommendation of the noble chiefs—so many Majors to be Lieutenant-Colonels, so many Captains to be Majors.

Before I allude to this particular circumstance, and one which gives validity to the above ‘general observations,’ I beg to be understood, that in being obliged to bring forward this case as one in point, the Officer alluded to is universally esteemed; he is not only active, but intelligent: he stands high in the estimation of his superiors, for a knowledge of the duties of his profession, as well as zeal, and courage, in their performance.

This gentleman’s name was not introduced in the above promotion at the Tail of the dispatch. Some time afterwards we saw it in the Gazette, but in another class of name for the Brevet of Lieutenant-Colonel, and bearing date (I think on account of the action) the same day, videlicet, that of the 21st June. But we now observe this Officer’s name with the rank of Lieutenant-Colonel, his Commission bearing date the 2nd of June, by which he has been promoted; over whom? He, a young Major, over Lieutenant-Colonel O’Toole. I have not the honour to be acquainted with that gentleman, but it is generally known that he has been in every action of the last three campaigns. He has been promoted from a Company, to a Majority, and Lieutenant-Colonelcy for his meritorious conduct; in the last instance, for his gallantry at the Battle of Vittoria.

The Hussar Brigade came out in 1813; and all, I believe, that was ever known of their gallantry, was a little affair of cavalry on the 2nd of June, detailed to Lord Wellington in a flourishing letter from Colonel Grant.

24 Lieutenant Dyas, of 51st Light Regiment.

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END OF PART I. OF SEQUEL

Dash’d with his Suite for Santarem that Night.

FOOTNOTES

25 At the close of the American War, such a number of Officers retired so astonishingly enriched, that it is imagined it excited the jealousy of Government. Hence enquiries and investigations were made; means were taken to put a stop to such iniquitous practices; and His Royal Highness, the Commander-in-Chief, has since taken measures to put an effectual termination to such disgraceful conduct.

I speak from authority when I assert, that when the Peace of 1783 took place, one Military Officer retired to his own Country (a Sister Kingdom) with the enormous Sum of £190,000, when the income arising from his Regimental Commission, together with his Staff situation, could not have been equal to £1000 a-year. He was seven years on service in America.

26 It is certainly a gross imposition on the Public, but falls particularly heavy on the Naval and Military departments.

27 The Officer whose gallantry took a praam in Boulogne Harbour, in sight of Buonaparte.

28 We have seen M——rs of P——t driving to places, and scrutinizing into matters that did not concern them; when, had they turned their active powers to the circumstances above mentioned, they at least would have obtained more credit, and perhaps not have subjected themselves to a disgraceful defeat and general contempt.

29 It has been whispered, that strange means were resorted to in order to get at the opinions of men in high rank, respecting the operations on the Peninsula. I own I do not credit the malicious story, but, as Sir John was conversant in state politics, I must leave him to form his own conjectures, and his directing his son to write typically might be defended.

30 A true Bill.

31 Many ‘wise Men have come from the East,’ of late Years.

32 The Right Honourable Sir Charles Stuart, K.B., &c. &c.

33 Major-General Peacocke, of the Guards.

34 The custom was introduced by H.R.H. the Duke of York, and is as follows: if any Officer, no matter the Rank he may hold, is desirous to pay a dutiful respect to the Commander of the Forces, or may have business to transact with His Royal Highness, he is directed to repair to the Horse-Guards at an early hour, on the day appointed for the Levee, and write down his Name and Rank in a list presented to him. He is then told at what hour the Duke commences his Levee, and according to the situation of the Signatures on the list, he is introduced.

A similar system is observed at the Offices of the Adjutant and Quarter-Master-General.

35 I am afraid I expose my ignorance in making this remark; but, as I observed, those Gentlemen were not all dressed in the same kind of Uniform: (for instance, one in the Uniform of the Guards; another in the Uniform of some Militia Corps; a third, in the Uniform of a Light Regiment; but all with two blazing Epaulettes) I must own I was puzzled in endeavouring to account for this Masquerading.

36 This has happened in a variety of instances; but particularly at the storming of St. Sebastian, where our Soldiers were seen arm in arm, Drunk, with the French Soldiers, and actually tumbling over the Bodies of their dead Companions.

37 This is a melancholy truth. The immorality of the British Soldier is disgusting, and it is only by strict attention and severe discipline it is at all kept within bounds.

38 The astonishing difficulties against which Lord Wellington had to struggle, from the disorganized state of his Army, may, in some respect, be understood by reverting to his Lordship’s General Orders. Three volumes are filled with recapitulations of General Courts-Martial.

39 The handsome addition of Pay to General Officers is highly creditable to those who originally were the promoters of so well-timed a remuneration.

40 I am but a poor Poet, and if I have taken the advantage in the invention of the word achievance in this instance, I hope I may be excused, as we have instances of the richest Poets having done the same.

In respect to the term Grievance, I conceive it does not require explanation in our Military classes.

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Johnny on Duty with his Chief.

Presenting the Trophies.